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ICYMI: The Incredible Origin Story of ‘GoldenEye 007,’ America’s Xanax Epidemic and Big Ol’ Tittays

I’ve been excited to read our lead story today for about a week. That story: The oral history of one of my all-time favorite video games, the Nintendo 64’s GoldenEye 007.

GoldenEye came out in 1997, when I was in the seventh grade. My earliest memory of it was the hype. Like, serious hype. Amazingly, the title lived up to it. GoldenEye was maybe the first game I played that was both fun and not tear-your-hair-out difficult (I’m looking at you Mario 64). Better yet, it was multiplayer. In fact, I’m pretty sure my earliest best friendships were forged thanks to the game. In particular, I remember going over to my buddy Andrew’s house, staying up all night switching between playing split-screen on his 22-inch CRT TV and prank-calling girls in our class. The Klobb. The ZMG. Cheating with OddJob. Trying to write our names on the wall in paint-ball mode.

Those were good times.

Must Read

“An Oral History of ‘GoldenEye 007’ on the N64”
Saturday marks 21 years since one of Nintendo’s most iconic games, GoldenEye 007, first hit shelves. Since then, it’s spawned an entire genre of games, become a darling of the speedrunning community and inspiring numerous memes in the process. In honor of the groundbreaking first-person shooter, we reached out to the people who played, reviewed and created the game to see how it all came together. READ MORE

Bigger is Beautiful

Big guys have rarely been seen as more than a punchline, but a simple hashtag —#BIGBOYSARECUTE—is attempting to change that.

Contributing writer Zaron Burnett spoke to the hashtag’s creator, Virgo Vonnie, about his path to viral fame, the bullshit ways big brands pay lip service to big-and-tall men and how he believes Ashley Graham is as important to the Big Boys Are Cute movement as any XL male celebrity.

The Other ‘Roids

Here’s a fun test. First question: Are you guilty of any of the following?

  • Pushing too hard during bowel movements
  • Straining from doing something physically demanding, like lifting heavy objects
  • Straining from standing or sitting for too long
  • Bad diet

Second question: Do you have any of the following symptoms?

  • Itchy rectum
  • Blood in your stool
  • Blood on your used TP
  • Hard(ish) nodules on your, ahem, anus

If you answered yes to any of these symptoms and behaviors, you probably have hemorrhoids. Congratulations: You’re officially old. Lucky for you, we’ve got a handy guide for what to do next.

Knocked Up

Nearly half of all pregnancies are “unintended.” That doesn’t mean, however, that those pregnancies are unwanted—an important distinction. Here’s how to explain that distinction to your accident, er, your kid.

The Problem with Finding Chill in a Pill

Listen to Chance, because he’s right: Overdose deaths attributed to benzodiazepines (Xanax, Valium, Ativan, Klonopin) have risen sevenfold over the past two decades, and it’s only getting worse. Maybe it has something to do with our rising anxiety levels?

Dick Ignorance

When all you’ve got to compare your dick to are the massive hogs you see on Pornhub, of course you’re going to develop some body image issues. And when those issues turn into an obsession, you’ve officially landed in penile dysmorphic disorder hell, which can lead to anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and most obviously, a less fulfilling sex life.

Tittay Citay

Millennials still love boobs. We just can’t agree on how to spell them. Hell, if you ask the Extremely Online, there are more spellings for “titty” than there are sandwich combinations at Subway.

That doesn’t even cover the half of them either. There’s also:

  • Bitty (of Tig Ol’)
  • Titty (the classic)
  • Titdy (the tryhard)
  • Tibby (for people with double Bs, I assume)

There’s also context-specific usages:

Confused yet? Deputy Editor Alana Levinson tries her best to sort out whether millennials have ruined “titty” the way we’ve already ruined mayonnaise, yogurt, chain restaurants and Las Vegashere.