It’s a tagline custom-built for teen gangbang scenes: “Young, dumb and full of cum.”
These immortal words were first captured on mainstream screens way back in 1991, during a memorable scene in the movie Point Break. In it, we see Keanu Reeves, a sexy, new recruit for the FBI, getting ruthlessly ribbed by bureau director John McGinley. “You’re a real blue-flame special, aren’t you son?” McGinley chides. “Young, dumb and full of cum.” It’s a killer jab, spoken by an old-timer who gives Reeves’ character shit for having nothing much more to offer than rock-hard abs and a killer ass.
But, of course, language shifts. “Young, dumb and full of cum” may have started as a cheap, witty insult, but the phrase has undergone various mutations since 1991. It’s no longer a slight — now, it’s an energy, a mindset, even a brag. It’s a virile war cry, reverberated online by himbos and bimbos alike, a glowing emblem of proud airheadedness and an unshakeable urge to bone. Porn sites splash the terms all over “innocent teen” threesome videos, prog-rock bands have dedicated entire songs to the phrase and Dev Patel’s decidedly immature sex scene in The Green Knight has earned him the moniker on all sorts of review sites.
But who gets to claim the prestigious title of “young, dumb and full of cum”?
Originally, it was the humble himbo — the brainless, hunky heartthrobs we all know and secretly love. In 1995, Buzz Magazine published an article about Keanu Reeves entitled: “The Himbos Are Coming! The Himbos Are Coming!” It’s a heading that might imply fear, but the reality of the article is far from it — it’s basically a horny confessional, written by a woman who can’t get Reeves’ dumb, sexy face out of her mind.
Plenty of oiled-up twinks have carried on this legacy. One of the most popular “young, dumb and full of cum” dudes on Twitter is an unnamed Irish bisexual 19-year-old with a seemingly permanent boner that’s always ready to shoot. “Here for a good time, not a long time,” he writes in his bio. “Why not fucking enjoy, eh?”
He primarily empties his loads at home, but gay porn creator Skie Reyezx does things differently — he loves nothing more than to cum in public. Cruising clips are his specialty, and he proudly declares himself as “young, dumb and full of cum” on Twitter. There’s no telling how smart he is, but he’s definitely youthful and constantly filled with jizz waiting to be unloaded near unsuspecting dudes in men’s bathrooms.
Naturally, there is a difference between being full of cum and being filled with cum. Forum commenters have long questioned whether it’s guys or girls who can claim the tagline, but the simple answer is, who cares? “Both,” writes one straightforward respondent. “A guy’s sack is full of cum. When he blows his load into a girl, her vag is also now full of cum.”
Definitionally speaking, why stop there? Hormones can sometimes make it harder for trans people to cum, but that doesn’t mean they can’t claim the moniker, too. In fact, trans women can throw the word “tasty” in there — everybody knows that estrogen makes “girldick” jizz taste just that little bit sweeter, lending a playful update to the phrase: “Young, dumb and full of tasty cum.”
And so, “young, dumb and full of cum” doesn’t discriminate in terms of gender. But what about age? OnlyFans creator T6X87 used to claim this tagline for himself, but he recently retired it. “I’ve had to stop using this due to now being too old,” he explains. He doesn’t say how old is too old, but he believes using the moniker can come off as desperate, especially when performers creep up in age. “When a porn creator says they’re sexy, it’s like… you shouldn’t need to say this,” he tells me.
“Young, dumb and full of cum” also paints very specific mental images of giddily gang-banged teens or vapidly gorgeous dudes like Reeves. “Even though it’s not mentioned, the words conjure up the image of a certain, muscular body type,” continues T6X87. Basically, the person has to be so hot that “the physical element makes up for the lack of any possible intellectual stimulation. Think Madonna banging her personal trainers,” he explains — that’s the energy of young, dum and full of cum.
For like-minded creators, it’s worth being aware of these nuances when marketing content. Although the OnlyFans handle “Young, Dumb and Full of Cum” has been claimed by a user with a now-deleted account, there’s plenty of competition out there, especially on Twitter, where everyone and their mother sports a username to that effect. As a result, fans will be critical — they’ll expect jailbait twinks, zero intellect, rock-hard cocks, Schwarzenegger muscles and oozing, sperm-filled holes.
Though, it’s the people who buck this standard who are really winning here. If you’re a 67-year-old, post-menopausal astrophysicist, branding yourself as “young, dumb and full of cum” is a flex unlike any other. At the very least it sounds hotter than Point Break’s other blue-ribbon one-liner: “Back off Warchild, seriously!”
Jake Hall
Jake Hall is a freelance journalist, fashion features editor and author. Their debut book 'The Art of Drag' is scheduled for release in May 2020.
