Tomorrow is the big day, everyone. The day when we find out what’s really happening behind the bomb-blast doors of Area 51. Well, probably not — I highly doubt the bunch of Juul-toting redditors stoking the fires of “Storm Area 51” have much of a chance against base security.
But if they do make it through the gates, I’m sure there’s more than a handful of horny alien-sex fetishists (sorry, shameless plug) will be looking for a few tentacled zaddies inside.
Must Read
“Democrats Need to Clean House, Too”
“Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work when your entire identity is supposedly built on ethics, transparency and Doing The Right Thing. But as the Democrats perpetually hammer this Republican administration for the creeps, corruption and cronyism that have become its hallmarks, they really should consider getting their own house in order, first. Because condemning and exiling their own problem children before they’re hauled off to jail — and not looking the other way when colleagues in government profit unduly from their position — just may break the cliché that everyone lives in the same fetid swamp. READ MORE
Greetings, Earthling. Let’s Bang.
Sex with aliens has been a pop-cultural fascination for years (just check out the “Mars Needs Women” page on TV Tropes). So why do some of us find the prospect so intriguing? Madeleine Holden posed this question to a number of Earthlings with an extraterrestrial fetish, and as one comer put it, “They’re full of weird holes and shit.”
A Film Critic On… ‘Ad Astra’
On what it is: “Roy (Brad Pitt) is assigned to a risky, top-secret space mission. Deadly energy waves are imperiling Earth, and they seem to be emanating from Neptune — could they be caused by the government science expedition overseen decades ago by his father, Clifford (Tommy Lee Jones)? Roy is tasked with finding out what’s going on.”
On being a great date movie with your bros: “In Ad Astra, there’s barely a woman in sight — this is a story about manly emotions and manly grappling with life’s impossibilities.”
On being a great movie to see stoned: “Ad Astra is part of a specific strain of science fiction that prizes a cool, intellectual tone, positioning very human themes against the backdrop of an awe-inspiring, indifferent universe.”
On being a bad movie to see stoned: “It’s emotionally overwhelming, especially if you’re susceptible to the father-son issues that power its interstellar journey.”
On the question that should’ve been on the film’s poster: “A lot of this movie is riding on how it resolves the question ‘What happened to Clifford?’”
Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s review of Ad Astra, here — including his reasons why more people need to know about Astra composer Max Richter; a remembrance of Astra director James Gray’s best film, Two Lovers, and how it got torpedoed by star Joaquin Phoenix; and one final thought on inspiration.
Splitting the Check: A Guide
There’s nothing worse than going out with a bunch of friends than the point in the meal where it’s time to pay the check. What if one person’s paying with cash? What if the server can only process two cards? What if one friend didn’t order a drink? Thankfully, Brian VanHooker put together this guide to help you break down the group dinner bill under any circumstances — even when you’ve got a goddamn itemizer at your table.
Battle for the Best Hangover Meal
When it comes to hangover meals, people tend to fall into one of two camps: More calories, or more bulk. Are either strong enough to detox your bloodstream? Nope, but there is one thing that might work…
Clean Breakup
If you ask your friends, the quickest way to get over a breakup is to man up, drink some whiskey and get back out there. But experts say that’s bad advice. In fact, the best thing you can do is opt for a clean start — and that means going sober.
The Men’s Undershirt is Dead
It’s perpetually unsexy and just adds more bulk to your sweaty bod.
Vehicular Flatulencide
Picture you, a mild-mannered passenger in a car. Now picture your friend, turning the window locks on, cranking the heat to max and ripping a fart. Gasping for breathable air, you plead for your sick “friend” to roll down the glass, and allow you to escape your misery. He acquiesces.
Will the fart escape the car before you keel over, or will you succumb to its poisonous fumes? With the help of a Dutch mathematician and physicist who lived 300 years ago, we applied a bit of fluid dynamics to determine how long it would take for the noxious gas to subside.
Deep Dive: ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
