Why Ghosting ≠ Abuse, the Need for More Complimentary Men and the Folks Who Swear by Their Poop Tools

Man, poop tools are a trip. What are poop tools, you ask? I don’t want to spoil the fun of this Quinn Myers investigation, but what I can say definitively is that they are not the Three Seashells.

To be honest, I rolled my eyes at this idea initially. “People don’t use poop tools,” I said! But after reading, it’s surprisingly heartwarming.

But that’s not today’s only gem — there’s plenty more where that came from, in case you missed it…

Must Read

“Stop Saying ‘Ghosting’ Is Abuse”
It’s dangerous to equate “ghosting” with the serious kinds of emotional and physical maltreatment that takes place in the context of established relationships, writes Maddie Holden. While ghosting is both selfish and cowardly, proliferating the idea that it’s the same as something far, far worse is glib, reductive, and most importantly, bad for survivors. READ MORE

That’s So Punk

You might not think “motivational speaker” is a natural evolution for an aging hardcore frontman (or woman), but actually, it makes sense. After all, the spoken-word style of hardcore singing, assertive body language and positive messages all lend themselves to speaking in public to large audiences. And you can’t argue that punk and hardcore rockers don’t have a message to spread.

Complimenting the Fellas

Fellas, it’s not gay to compliment other men. Consider the fact that, like women, we enjoy being told we’ve done a great job, look good in that outfit and/or that we’re good people. And yet, we keep these types of observations to ourselves, as if speaking up could destroy the delicate social norms that compliments were designed to strengthen.

Conan! What is Best in Life?

That’s easy: A super satisfying fart.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Being good at giving prepared remarks isn’t something people are typically born with — it takes practice. But winging a speech is an entirely different beast. Attempts are often met with derision, and that is something I know from personal experience. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, either. In fact, a person can learn to “wing it” with grace and wit. They simply need to get really, really good at faking it.

A MEL Public Service Announcement

Ah, shit: A new study has found that parents are avoiding giving their children the HPV vaccine because of reasons:

• They think the vaccines are unsafe.
• They think the vaccines are unnecessary.
• They know nothing about HPV.
• Their physician never recommended the vaccine.
• They think their kid is refraining from sex, and therefore, has no need for the vaccine.

Oh yeah, they’re not having sex?!?! Were you never a teenager???

GiveyourfuckingkidtheHPVvaccine, stat.

Poop Tools

The legend of the “poop knife” is one every redditor knows. The gist of it is this: Man makes an offhand comment to his wife about how, when he was growing up, his family only owned one poop knife. Wife asks what a poop knife is, man explains it’s a tool to cut logs into pieces to overcome a low-flow toilet. Thinks this is normal. Wife explains that, no, that is not normal. Man is stunned.

While you probably share our (and most redditors’) mouth-agape response, some people replied in the original thread that poop tools are, in fact, a thing.

Quinn Myers was lucky enough to track down some of these poop-toolies for comment, as well as the original poop-knife owner. Turns out their stories are actually quite heartwarming.

‘Jeopardy!’ Marathon

What can a person learn from watching roughly 18 hour’s worth of Jeopardy! in one sitting? Turns out, a lot — I would know, I’m the one who did it. But the knowledge I gained wasn’t so much about obscure lines of Shakespeare, or what the tallest mountain in Maine is (it’s Mount Katahdin). It was more about the incredible stories behind the men and women who’ve dedicated a portion of their lives to being the best at putting the answers to a vast amount of trivia in the form of a question.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.