‘Velvet Buzzsaw’’s Muddled Composition, Super Bowl Hangover Food and Badass Barber Surgeons

I feel terrible.

It wasn’t enough that the forking Rams had to turn in their worst performance of the season last night in Super Bowl LIII, losing to the Patriots, the NFL’s version of the Evil Empire. But I also had to consume my weight in Dark ‘n’ Stormys, my party host’s clever (read: stupid) allusion to the pouring rain in L.A. last night.

Unlike MEL’s intrepid editor-in-chief, I don’t care much for rum. Scratch that — I hate rum, but unfortunately, I hate being sober on Super Bowl Sunday even more. And now, my body is making me pay for my mistakes, and frankly, I deserve it.

Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to see a piece on MEL today promising a food-related cure to my pounding Super Bowl hangover. My hopes were dashed, however, when I learned that the cure is not a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell, as I’ve long surmised, but an omelette and soup. WTF?!?!?

But then I read it, and you should too, because the argument for an omelette and soup actually makes quite a lot of sense.

Doesn’t mean I’m giving up my Cheesy Gordita Crunches, though.

Must Read

“‘Velvet Buzzsaw’ and Our Insecure, Inexhaustible Desire to Mock Fine Art”
You could argue that Velvet Buzzsaw, the new horror-comedy on Netflix that takes place in the expensive world of art dealing, is just harmless fun at the expense of self-absorbed art lovers, a jab at art’s pretentious creators, curators and critics. In Tim Grierson’s opinion, though, you’d be wrong. In his review of the film, Grierson argues that the reason Velvet Buzzsaw punishes its characters is because they don’t love art the right way, flattering viewers into thinking they’re more “authentic” than those artsy phonies. And that brand of anti-elitism isn’t just insulting to the people who’ve made the art world their life — it’s dangerous. READ MORE

A Forkful of Omelette Makes the Hangover Go Down

According nutrition experts interviewed recently by USA Today, the ultimate post-Super Bowl hangover cure is an omelette for breakfast and soup for lunch — which makes me question whether those nutrition experts have ever actually been hungover before. And so, we asked our own expert for a third opinion.

BMI Don’t Know What That Means

Speaking of the Super Bowl — and, naturally, all the food we ate watching it — let’s talk about obesity. What is the definition of obesity, really, and how does our Body Mass Index (BMI) factor into it? Actually, what the heck is BMI, anyway?

‘Ramen’ LOL

Ramen, the kind you’d find at a reputable ramen shop, is a complex-yet-simple dish, a delicious bowl of soup that its Japanese masters have elevated into an art form. Top Ramen, the 30-cent bag of freeze dried noodles and a seasoning packet, is not that. In fact, to find out that every broke college kid’s go-to meal has 30 separate ingredients in it, makes a ton of sense:

Mmm, powdered chicken.

Here’s what all those ingredients are for, including the one that the FDA has labeled as a neurotoxin.

Your Girlfriend Sucks, Bro

Everyone has that one friend who is dating someone who’s clearly wrong for them. Telling them that information, however, is fraught with land mines, ready to blow up your friendship if the message is delivered badly. So what’s the right way to tell your friend he’s dating the wrong person? We spoke to an A-team of communication experts, relationship therapists and advice columnists to find out.

Change Isn’t Gonna Come

When partners fight, it’s often about some bad habit that the injured party wants the other to correct. A phrase like, “Baby, I can change!” gets thrown around, apologies are provided and everyone goes back to their lives. Actually changing that bad habit is hard, though, and it seemingly only gets harder the older you get. Here’s why.

Putting It All Together

Last week we wrote about guys who do jigsaw puzzles as a means to escape their mental-health struggles. This week we bring you a community of grown men who find the utmost pleasure — whether for stress relief or just analog entertainment — in putting together LEGOs. From the subreddit r/LEGO to the #BrickHeads on Twitter, a growing number of millennial men are forgoing the liquor aisle and heading straight to the LEGO aisle on Friday nights.

Come for a Shave, Leave With a Hole in Your Head

What do urine and gigantic drills have in common? Both were valuable tools for medieval barber-surgeons, who used stale piss to clean dudes’ hair and drills to dig around in their brains.

That’s not even the half of it. Among their many specialties, barber-surgeons would ride into battle with armies to treat the wounded, perform bloodletting with leeches, lance boils and abscesses, and even do full amputations. Oh, and they could give you a dope mustache, too.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.