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Everyone’s Craving They/Them Dick

After the hype for they/them pussy, non-binary boners are getting some love

Non-binary identity and the use of gender-neutral pronouns are on the rise. One survey found that a quarter of LGBTQ youth consider themselves non-binary rather than male or female, while another poll shows that Americans are increasingly likely to know a transgender person or someone who uses “they/them.” It’s a seismic shift in how we view ourselves and others.

However, at the risk of stating the obvious, pretty much everyone still has genitals of some kind. And with the explosion of non-binary vibes, we’ve become fixated on the particular hotness of they/them individuals — regardless of what they’ve got between their legs. At first, we heard a lot of hype for “they/them pussy,” rumored to be mind-blowingly powerful — even dangerous. 

Why did they/them pussy (also known as “thussy”) capture the public imagination? Maybe alluding to its intensity fit a larger trend of defining pussy as active and dominant rather than passive and yielding. Songs like “WAP” from Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion — along with the memes and discourse they inspired — frame pussy as the true nexus of erotic energy. And specifically elevating they/them pussies was a fun way of validating non-binary people who have them. Now, though, we’re seeing a commensurate interest in they/them dick, cock and balls.

Inevitable that the horny momentum would swing in this direction, I suppose. But think about it: the penis separated from any masculine characterization is sort of ideal. A dick devoid of the he/him baggage, incapable of a problematic penetration. You can have sex with that cock and never compromise with the patriarchy, since it doesn’t belong to a man! You’re free at last. Yes, a solid “thenis” is the answer for everyone who has ever lamented their attraction to dudes. 

“Men,” you are officially obsolete. Please make a note of it.

How wonderful. Inspiring to behold. The solution was right in front of us the whole time: non-binary boners. Also, we can dare to dream even bigger. I’m already speculating on the awesome potential generated when a they/them dick comes into close proximity to a they/them pussy. Nothing masculine or feminine, gay or straight, only the sexual singularity. The future. And the prudes will never be able to stop it. Damn, this must’ve been how it felt to split the atom.

Likewise, as the memes warn us, we cannot take the sheer force of they/them cock or pussy for granted — lest we fly too close to the sun. We are in an ongoing process of learning exactly what they are and how they function. Patience must temper our excitement. If we can harness this magic, the results will be transformative. If not… well, it could leave us a little sore.