It’s been five years since I slogged away on my AP Latin exam, trying to remember whether the noun for “fruit” took the second or fourth declension. Can’t say I miss it. But seeing all the memes teens are posting about their Advanced Placement tests is bringing me back.
Not a lot of people know this but if you write Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum on the AP Latin exam they have to give you a 5
— Elizabeth Meisenzahl (@Lizzym03) May 15, 2019
While I don’t remember much of what I learned in my AP classes, I do remember completely ignoring the College Board’s rules about not discussing what was on the tests after we took them. And the more things change, the more they stay the same. Because these days, high schoolers are still sharing information about their tests — they’re just using memes and social media to do so.
Must Read
“The Definitive Guide to the Web’s Most Important Meme Juices”
The Extremely Online™ serve several different kinds of “juice.” There’s “dumb bitch juice,” which we all drink when we do something ill-advised in the name of our emotional well-being — like text “wyd” to a shitty ex. There’s also “bone hurting juice,” “bad opinion juice,” “unsee juice,” among many, many, many others. Which is to say, on the internet, anything can be juiced. READ MORE
me sipping on my dumb bitch juice before pressing send pic.twitter.com/w0f7EAew1U
— jinkles (@jhtxt00) August 11, 2018
A Film Critic On… ‘Rocketman’
On what it is: “Rocketman is the perfect delivery device for Elton John fans, who will love its shameless euphoria and brazen showmanship. For better or worse, it’s an apt representation of the man’s legacy.”
On art imitating life: “His ornamental hooks and lilting voice are as recognizable as they are disposable, attacking the listener’s nervous system with such single-minded purpose that it feels more like an armored assault. That same aesthetic strategy informs Rocketman, which has no interest in nuance or subtlety.”
On that ‘haven’t I seen this before?’ feeling: “He rises to stardom, gets undone by excess and then finds redemption while seeking sobriety. That’s a standard rock-biopic narrative trajectory, the same one followed by last year’s Bohemian Rhapsody.”
On the film’s lack of subtlety: “Everything in the narrative is underlined and highlighted, emphasized and reinforced. Elton John is a musical god.”
On the film being more sizzle than steak: “Rocketman is engaging while also being a bit superficial and impersonal. It’s so busy entertaining us at every single second that it never pauses to let many real human moments emerge.”
On why you might want to take this review with a grain of salt: “While watching the movie I came to a difficult realization: I’m just not that much of an Elton John guy.”
Read more of Tim Grierson’s review of Rocketman here — including an analysis of why Elton John hasn’t won more Grammys; a recap of the film’s great Cannes cameo; and how Rocketman stacks up in comparison to Bohemian Rhapsody.
Blue Magic
It might look like tasty blue Gatorade, but sadly, there’s no electrolytes to speak of in Windex, save any that might be in the water that makes up the majority of the product. That’s not a license to drink the stuff, though — the rest of Windex is extremely toxic, with ingredients like Isopropanolamine and Ammonium Hydroxide that’ll turn your lungs into Swiss cheese:
Yeah, but the real question is, how do they give the product that signature clean scent and gorgeous coloring? Allow Ian Lecklitner to explain.
Hot ’n’ Cold
It’s a well-worn cliche that offices are like ice cubes. In normal weather this isn’t too big of an issue, you simply wear a couple extra layers. But when it happens to be smoking hot outside the office, now you’ve got a problem. Thankfully, you have a few sartorial options.
The Many Stories of (In)justice
Ava DuVernay’s four-part Netflix series, When They See Us, about the malicious prosecution of the Central Park Five for the assault and rape of white jogger Trisha Meili, explores the ways in which implicit bias can have devastating effects on the lives of people of color. Because ultimately, it’s the stories we tell ourselves about race that dictate justice.
Procrastination Is Bad and All, but Have You Heard of Precrastination?
Procrastination often gets a bad rap, but getting shit done too quickly (what’s referred to as “precrastination”) can be just as bad. Those who engage in precrastination typically do so because they’re anxious to complete a task, but it can often cause unnecessary extra work. And get this: It’s entirely possible to be both a precrastinator and a procrastinator, which is like being double-fucked.
Making Sunscreen Is Hard 🙁
Among the earthy/crunchy set on Pinterest, DIY recipes for “homemade sunscreen” have been particularly popular as of late. Unsurprisingly, a recent study found that some 68 percent of these recipes don’t actually offer meaningful sun protection. While it’s undeniable that chemical sunscreens pose a significant risk to coral reefs, and possibly your own endocrine system, the risk of skin cancer is far more immediate. Luckily, there’s another way.
Magdalene Taylor
Magdalene Taylor is a staff writer at MEL. She covers internet culture, sex and the online adult industry. She lives in Brooklyn but is from God's Country, Western Massachusetts.
