When someone says “eat my ass” or “suck my dick,” they either mean it as an insult, or they’re referring to a specific sex act. Usually, context will tell you which they mean. Recently, though, I heard a phrase that seems to combine the two acts in a way that doesn’t necessarily make sense: “Suck my dick from the back.”
Suck my dick from the what? Is this meant to be literal? Is it just a good line to toss at someone you hate? When I search the phrase on Twitter, the general answer I receive is simply “yes” — it is literal, but it’s also the type of thing people reply to tweets about whatever Joe Rogan said this week.
According to Google Trends, it isn’t a new phrase, but it is one I have only just now begun to think about. My bigger concern, of course, is its physical applications. I understand it in theory — you’re performing oral in a position where you’re behind your partner, not in front of them. But in practice, there are many components I don’t understand. How does a dick bend backwards like that? Is it basically a term to encompass all sorts of oral action that could be happening back there? Am I just a big dumb prude?
Fortunately, there are plenty of sex-havers who are far more experienced in the world of sucking dick from the back (SDFB) than I, who quickly gave me an education about it.
“The bedicked partner should be on all fours so everything is accessible to the giver’s hands and mouth,” says Lindsay, a 30-year-old in New York City. “The best practice is to switch between manual strokes while rimming, but keep the mouth momentum going and periodically contort yourself to get it in there while switching your hands to [the bedicked partner’s] thighs or ass.”
Gotcha — so whereas a traditional blow job can be its own star of a sexual show, SDFB is typically accompanied by a variety of other acts and maneuvers. But among many fans of SDFB, it just goes to show that all forms of sex and intimacy should be considered a multifaceted endeavor. “It’s a packaged act, but in some senses, I think all sexual acts are packaged,” says Jack, 21, a queer nonbinary person from New Zealand. “You’ll probably play with balls as you suck dick; you’ll probably stroke your partner’s body or hug as you kiss.”
To illustrate the proper positioning of SDFB, he sent me this:
Lindsay expressed a similar sentiment. “In my experience, when dick-sucking is happening from the back, it’s happening at the same time as another act,” she says. “I would never just rely on that to be the sole entertainment for any stretch of time. It’s a complement to other activities, like rimming or some manual action.”
Wonderful. But how does it feel as a recipient? “Having a tongue run down your shaft while you’re getting eaten out [from behind] is like shaking hands with god,” says another queer nonbinary person known as @GFBussy on Twitter. “My perspective as a bottom is that it’s an essential part of eating ass. The backside of the dick houses some of the most sensitive areas, so having it exposed is the perfect opportunity to target them.”
Like Jack and Lindsay, GFBussy agrees that SDFB isn’t just about the “sucking dick” part. That’s partially because we don’t interpret the phrase “sucking dick” so literally. “Like sucking dick from the front, it’s not about ‘sucking,’” they say. “Getting everything wet, licking the balls, rubbing lips along the shaft, tonguing the head are all very important.”
When we think of SDFB as an all-encompassing act that incorporates far more than just the penis itself, the mechanics of how a dick bends that way become less important. Nevertheless, I still needed to know how it works, and Lindsay was happy to set me straight. “It’s not a matter of if they can bend their dick, but if you can commit and contort enough to get it in your mouth,” she replies. Apparently, it’s not as hard as I’m envisioning to get the penis into the proper position, either. “You really needn’t bend the dick all the way back,” says GFBussy. “It’s best at a 90-degree angle from the body, in the same position as the legs.”
Nevertheless, Lindsay’s advice about commitment and contortion remain true. “You as the sucker have to get a little flexible,” says GFBussy. “That’s why it’s more about tongue stimulation and less about the classic dick penetrating the mouth and throat.”
Even then, it’s not a position that’s appropriate for everyone. Some people are uncomfortable with their penis being pulled back away from their body in this direction, while it can be too much strain on the giver’s neck. “Sometimes, I’ve been so hard that it’s a little uncomfortable, but again, that’s just like any sexual act,” says Jack. “If someone’s giving you terrible head, it can be uncomfortable. I don’t think sucking dick from the back raises significantly more discomfort than other acts potentially would.”
Jack tells me that they posed the question of SDFB in their group chat, and most of their friends responded saying that they find it uncomfortable. “I personally find it fun just because it’s something different,” they say. GFBussy, meanwhile, would prefer to never go without it. “Nowadays, there’s almost an expectation that ass-eating is a part of foreplay, which is good,” they tell me. “It’s amazing and helps prepare for penetration. But I’d say only one-fifth of the people who have eaten my ass have SDFB without me asking, which is a TRAVESTY.”
The real question I should have been asking, then, isn’t exactly what SDFB entails, but why I haven’t been pursuing it all along. More than that, though, I’m questioning the very nature of our colloquial terms for sex acts writ large. Like GFBussy said, sucking dick isn’t really about sucking. Eating ass, thank god, isn’t actually about eating, either. But SDFB is, above all, almost a state of mind. It’s daring to do things differently. It’s, quite literally, about sucking dick from a different perspective.
Magdalene Taylor
Magdalene Taylor is a staff writer at MEL. She covers internet culture, sex and the online adult industry. She lives in Brooklyn but is from God's Country, Western Massachusetts.
