Sam, a 23-year-old barista from Minneapolis, is telling me how the mainstreaming of eating ass has changed her sex life. âAs a very sexually active straight woman, over the last six months or so, every single straight guy Iâve had sex with asked to get his ass eaten,â she says, âor was at least open to it.â She adds that she tends to have sex with âvery millennialâ men who are âall pretty online,â and that they usually return the favor. âThe memeification of ass play has greatly increased the amount of ass exploration that is being done in my sex life,â she continues. âOf course, the enjoyment has gone up significantly because of it.â
In 2011, ass eating was still taboo enough that Kevin Hart could embarrass Shaquille O’Neal by suggesting he performed anilingus on his wife. In 2014, dubbed the Year of the Booty, the now-defunct Gawker observed that ass eating was enjoying a renaissance; by 2018, our very own Ian Lecklitner told us that ass eating had âpeakedâ and Urban Daddy labeled the once-risque sex act âgentrified.â In under a decade, analingus has gone from being an almost unspeakable taboo to a memeable talking point so ubiquitous that, at my own familyâs Christmas celebrations in suburban New Zealand last year, one of my very offline older male relatives announced that âkids are all into eating ass now.â
No one can agree on what exactly triggered the trend â the above Gawker article credits rapper Kevin Gates; New York Magazine called a 2013 Playboy article on the topic âcanonical and groundbreakingâ; and a 2001 Sex and the City episode is often cited as an early conversation starter. But thereâs no question weâre all talking about eating ass much more now than we were before.
However, does this mean more of us, especially straight men, are actually taking part in the act?
How Men Really Feel About Eating Ass
Determining the prevalence of ass eating is a notoriously difficult pursuit. Statistically significant surveys and academic studies on the amount of analingus taking place in the world are thin on the ground, and the few that do exist tend, unhelpfully, to focus only on penile penetration of the anus or use âanal sexâ as a catch-all that lumps analingus in with other forms of butt play. In short, we donât know how common eating ass used to be, or how common it is now.
In lieu of hard data then, I interviewed about 60 men who sleep with women about how the mainstreaming of eating ass has impacted their willingness to partake in this activity â both giving and receiving. They tended to fall into one of three camps:
- They become more open to eating ass since its mainstreaming in about 2014.
- There has been no change, because they have never and will never eat ass.
- There has been no change, because they ate ass before it was cool.
Most, though, resided in the first camp, including Kazz, a 25-year-old talent manager based in Washington, D.C. âPre-meme, I had no idea analingus was something so many people seemed to be into, and Iâd only had one partner ask [for it],â he tells me. âSo after it became a thing, I was like, âOkay, I need to step my game up.ââ
He says he never used to discuss eating ass with his friends before the proliferation of memes and pop-culture references â âI not once ever heard none of my niggas talk about eating assâ â whereas now heâs observed a 180-degree shift, from analingus being something you would tease a friend for doing to an act he now hears his friends poke fun at each other for not performing. âIâve definitely overheard âOh, you donât eat ass?â jokes between other men,â he says. âItâs almost emasculating to not do it now.â
Ass Eating Memes Open Minds (And Other Things)
The idea that itâs emasculating not to eat ass is certainly a cultural shift. Historically, analingus is a sex act thatâs been associated most strongly with gay men, and this link has prevented certain straight men from partaking in what they view as a feminized activity â until now. âThe memeification of butt stuff definitely gave space for me to explore it,â explains Ben, a 24-year-old tele-support worker in Indiana, âwithout violating whatever dumb conceptions of masculinity or heterosexuality I had.â He credits Twitter, especially âweird Twitter, queer Twitter and socialist Twitter,â for his newfound open-mindedness.
âI had a very gendered view of it before,â he says, adding that he used to think it was more acceptable to perform analingus âbecause it was daring,â but that receiving it felt more passive and feminine. Now he gives and receives without a second thought.
Most of the men I talked to, however, are still more reluctant to receive. âI donât want my partner to get anywhere near my extraordinarily hairy butt with her mouth,â says Jesse, a 29-year-old student from Seattle, echoing a common insecurity. âIâm self-conscious enough about asking her to finger my ass for similar hair and poop-related reasons, and thatâs something I really like.â
What About Men Receiving Analingus?
That said, Alice, a 29-year-old teacher in Kansas City, insists that the taboo around straight men receiving anilingus is weakening, too. âBefore the memeification of ass play, it seemed like women or gay male bottoms receiving anal was the only booty option,â she tells me. âI donât think I wouldâve asked my dude if he was down for me to try eating his ass if it wasnât everywhere.â She adds that itâs now just as common in her sex life as more traditional oral sex.
Whether or not the mainstreaming of eating ass has made men more likely to partake â and it seems from my discussions like it has â almost all of the guys in my survey think it has raised awareness and reduced stigma. âIt was something that I never considered before, but now Iâm fine with eating ass,â says Bill, a 33-year-old barista from Ohio. âItâs been almost normalized online, and itâs not really shocking or taboo anymore.â Hector, a 27-year-old policy strategist from Mexico City, concurs. âThe whole âeat it like groceriesâ thing made it something my friends and I talk about openly.â
On the flip side, though, for some men who arenât interesting in partaking in analingus, the mainstreaming of the topic adds unwanted pressure. âItâs made me even more anxious about sex in general, since it makes it seem like an expectation,â explains Kyle, a 32-year-old software engineer from San Jose. Heâs definitely in the minority, however. âIâm very glad to see that a lot of the stigma surrounding eating ass has fallen away,â says Mark, a 31-year-old consultant from Texas. âI like that I donât have to be as secretive now.â
Eating Ass Before It Was Cool
Of course, there have always been fearless, trailblazing men who ate ass and had their asses eaten long before it became a Christmas dinner topic. âIâve been clocking ass-eating hours since within a couple of years of losing my virginity,â says Aaron, a 28-year-old event manager from Australia. âI feel like my neighborhood is being gentrified by all these casual ass eaters now.â
Men who have always eaten ass tend to talk like this, with the same annoyance as early fans of a band that has become hopelessly popular. âNon-ass-eating straight dudes just want to have a bunch of hypothetical conversations about it now,â says Joseph, a 37-year-old writer from Portland who has always enjoyed analingus. âItâs like when my friendâs mom visited Portland and was drama city about going into a dispensary.â
The weed anecdote strikes him as a useful analogy. âThe whole thing does feel like legalizing weed,â he continues, explaining that, as with smoking legally, thereâs now less intimacy and trust involved with eating ass. âIt was so much more special when it was illicit and underground.â