If you’ve explored the alternate universe of right-wing Twitter clones, you know they’re all basically the same: poorly designed, spam-ridden echo chambers vulnerable to hacks, which should be a particular worry for users who have entered their social security numbers to access premium features. Each service is nominally organized around the principle of “free speech” — code for hateful content and misinformation — but Gab stands apart because of CEO Andrew Torba’s brand of extreme Christofascism, which gives the platform a fundamentalist flavor.
In other words, Gab’s user base isn’t just neo-Nazis and conspiracist “patriots,” they’re also Bible-thumping zealots. It’s the last place you’d stand a chance of luring someone to the other side of the aisle. Yet a handful of liberals hang out on the site, trying their damndest.
Look! A classic #Resistance lib, complete with anti-Trump display name, fact-checking lies about election fraud with a blue-wave Boomer meme. Why are they here? What do they stand to gain in this cesspit of racism, gun worship, denial and paranoia?
You’ll note that this comes in response to @realdonaldtrump — maybe OrangeClownHater misses the days of replying to Trump on Twitter, and followed him to Gab after his permanent suspension there. But no, because Trump isn’t even on Gab, and @realdonaldtrump (which is reserved for the former president, should he want to commandeer it) is an account that simply parrots statements from Trump’s own website. This person is essentially trying to dunk on an aggregation bot.
And hey, check out this Gabber @INCOGNITOTECHMAN, who also spends their precious time on this earth trying to convince MAGA cultists that Trump is — you’re not going to believe this — a liar and con man. Along the way, they start flame wars by commenting that the COVID-19 vaccines are safe and effective, drawing the ire of those resisting the jab. I suppose there is a certain satisfaction in making a dude so mad that he asserts his dick length (down to the quarter inch!) and threatens to fuck you in the ass. But also, these freaks are angry all the time. You’d think that after getting the first couple to blow their lids, the novelty would wear off. Or not!
Ah, yes, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the preeminent lunatic in Congress, also banned from Twitter — and a Gab power user as a result. She’s so high on her own supply that any attempt to talk sense into her would be like negotiating with Scarface. Nevertheless, @TomHB is sure to gravely declaim his disapproval. But for all his anchorman seriousness there, on his own page, he calls Trump and his followers “white nationalist retards,” so perhaps he sticks around this website for its leniency regarding offensive epithets. Meanwhile, someone who goes by Yarg Barkley has posted an incredible 27.5K times, says they’re blocked by Andrew Torba himself and regards his presence as a necessary disruption for QAnon radicals and right-wing extremists unwilling to be challenged on their beliefs. The vulgar abuse doesn’t bother them.
It’s not like there’s any shortage of ultra-conservative dipshits on mainstream apps like Twitter and Facebook, spouting off much as they do on Gab. To be a liberal invader of this enclave, then, is not about winning hearts and minds — or any kind of victory, really. You are the fleas biting the ankle of a monstrous creature as it lumbers toward the fantasy of a theocratic ethnostate. You pride yourself on momentarily shattering the atmosphere of agreement, this “safe space” par excellence, and for bravely withstanding the blows that rain down on you in response. Probably you feel more important for aligning yourself with Democrats in hostile territory, because it casts you in the role of a crusading radical instead of dull, uninspired centrist. And you’ll never have to stump for Joe Biden — only attack Trump and his flunkies.
You can congratulate yourself for this performance, but it’s nothing more than that. There are no bonus points, and there is no glory. In the end, you are punishing yourself by reading drivel in order to refute it. You aren’t even providing the value of a reporter or researcher who monitors Gab to understand how the post-Trump movement is organizing, because your focus is on trashing a guy no longer in office. Saddest of all, you’re serving up the same style of rote, predictable dissent that right-wing provocateurs rely on elsewhere. Log out of that dogshit Nazi app, go touch grass and find something that makes you happy in this life. These cranks and ghouls will just have to embarrass themselves without your help. I’m sure they’ll manage.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
