I discovered that jacuzzi jets feel good against your pecker after a day of learning about planets in elementary school. It was a Friday, and I was about an hour into an otherwise innocent sleepover. The friend who I was staying with had a humble hot tub in his backyard, and he suggested we hop in to unwind while his mom reheated a plate of chicken nuggets. We were seeing how long we could hold our breaths when he turned to me and said, “Check it out, dude. Pressing your dong against the jets feels kinda good.”
I was years away from being sexually active, but my understanding of pleasure was accelerated into hyperspeed when I planted my sword over that gentle jet. The outside world disappeared as I fixated on the pacifying hum and affectionate caress of the warm, rushing water. It was me and the jet, and nothing else mattered.
Realizing that jacuzzi jets can be used as masturbatory devices is nothing out of the ordinary for children (or adults, for that matter). There are many others like me, who were awakened to their capacity for pleasure by the jets in some otherwise unremarkable hot tub.
i might put my peen in front of this jacuzzi jet i might not only time will tell at this point
— qasim (@quazzam) March 27, 2019
In fact, grown men sticking their peens in jacuzzi jets has become a comedic trope in pop culture. The 2001 stoner comedy Out Cold features Zach Galifianakis having his penis forcefully suctioned by a hot tub jet, and the satirical website The Hard Times published an article titled, “Now is Not the Time to Discuss Gun Control, Because my Penis is Stuck in This Jacuzzi Jet and I Can’t Focus” in 2018.
Women, too, feel the pleasurable pull (or rather, push) of jacuzzi jets. Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller once attempted to cash in on jets as female masturbatory devices by patenting a “Hydro-therapeutic stimulator.” The patent describes, “It is therefore an object of the present invention to provide a spa that includes a dedicated stream of fluid that is directed to specific sensitive areas of a female’s genitalia to promote pleasurable (and perhaps climatic) genitalia stimulation and therapeutic relaxation.”
Men, of course, have the Testicuzzi, a battery-powered mini jacuzzi for our balls.
All of this suggests that we have a thing for heated, rushing water, and we frequently come upon that thing at a young age. Physiologically, our interest in using jacuzzi jets as masturbatory devices makes complete sense. “Vibrations are rhythmic movements that are relaxing and soothing,” explains Sheila Loanzon, a board-certified obstetrician and gynecologist. “Similar to a massage chair or hand-held massage devices, it can feel comforting at repetitive frequencies of vibration. This sensory input can be calming to the nervous system, giving people the ability to relax the mind and body, and reach orgasm easily. Water is also a soothing atmosphere to people, hence the ocean waves and jacuzzi spas that offer the experience. Easing tension does allow for orgasm.”
Clinical sexologist and certified sex coach Sunny Rodgers adds, “The warmth of the water also helps draw blood to ultra-sensitive intimate regions, making these areas more responsive and excitable.”
Psychologically speaking, our attraction to jacuzzi jets before we even truly understand masturbation or sex makes some sense, too. As licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist Diane Gleim points out, bathtubs provide a backdrop for exploring our naked bodies at a very young age, and bath time is commonly associated with playtime. “It’s a highly sensual experience,” she says. “There’s a lot of stimuli coming into our senses.”
Moreover, bath time is often our first real experience with private time, and private time usually results in exploring the nooks and crannies of our bodies, not necessarily even in an outright sexual way. “When you’re old enough to take a bath or shower by yourself, that’s an opportunity to explore, to discover what feels good,” Gleim says.
Rodgers adds, “Pleasure experimentation with sprays of water happens naturally, since the bath or shower is often the only place that some people find privacy.” These feelings can easily translate to a jacuzzi environment.
You might also be able to take a Freudian approach here, suggesting that bathtubs and jacuzzis replicate the womb, our first ever safe space. “We have ultrasounds of male fetuses touching their penises in the uterus, in the womb, so this is something that humans do,” Gleim says, adding that soaking in a jacuzzi can be a “somewhat hypnotic experience — the sound of the water running or the jets going — and being in that state allows one’s erotic energy to flow. So it makes sense that, while in that place — a jacuzzi, tub or shower — and feeling relaxed, a person’s thoughts turn to erotic pleasure. ‘What can I do in here that will feel good?’ Cue the jets and handheld shower heads.”
While my experts generally agree that pressing your genitals against jacuzzi jets is a form of healthy experimentation, there is opportunity for unforeseen complications. “The female genital tissue can be very sensitive, and the heat and chlorine from a jacuzzi can upset the delicate mucus membranes,” Loanzon explains. “Depending on how close you are to the jacuzzi jets, men could find that genital tissue could get caught in faulty jets or experience blasts of hot water, which can cause skin discomforts to the genital area, or worse. However, if maintaining a safe distance from anything harmful, jacuzzi jets could be quite enjoyable and wouldn’t invoke medical complications.”
Really want to get my dick caught in a hot tub jet for 7 hours to see if it shrivels like a raisin
— Dad (@dad_account) August 18, 2019
If you plan on giving your jacuzzi jets a run for their money, you should also consider the cleanliness of your hot tub. “Most hot tub-related problems arise because of bacteria, since it grows faster in warm water,” Rodgers warns.
Speaking of potential complications, if you happen to be a parent, and you spot your child spending an unusual amount of time hovering over the jets in your jacuzzi, Gleim emphasizes the importance of not shaming them for their exploration. Instead, she recommends saying something along the lines of, “Yeah, little Timmy, that does feel good, but we do those things in private.”
For instance, when your mom is inside reheating chicken nuggets.
Ian Lecklitner
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone's favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
