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ICYMI: Wiz Khalifa and Phallic Bananas, Getting Geriatric with ‘Equalizer 2’ and the Best Time to…

ICYMI: Wiz Khalifa and Phallic Bananas, Getting Geriatric with ‘Equalizer 2’ and the Best Time to Eat Breakfast

Only dudes would see a banana, want a banana and then deny themselves said banana because that banana reminds them of a dick. But, as you’ll soon read, that’s what seems to be happening—even today, in 2018. What’s next, my dudes? Can we no longer erotically suck-eat ripe, juicy strawberries because they look like the head of a particularly aroused cock? I, for one, don’t want to live in a world where kiwis are too hairy and ball-like to eat among mixed company.

But enough of my take on this banana kerfuffle—get the real thing, plus the best of the rest of today’s stories below.

Must Read

“The Strange, Homophobic Reason Guys Like Wiz Khalifa Won’t Eat Bananas in Public”
Is it gay to eat bananas? For some straight men, the answer is yes—they’re simply too phallic for public consumption. Which is a shame, considering that bananas are great for you. Luckily, rapper Wiz Khalifa has a solution: Break that big, yellow dick in half. As Tracy Moore writes, policing the way you eat food just to avoid being seen as effeminate demonstrates how far guys still have to go in accepting the fact that homosexuality is nothing to fear. READ MORE

A Film Critic on… ‘The Equalizer 2’

This week, MEL film critic Tim Grierson took on the new Denzel Washington thriller, The Equalizer 2. Will he love it? Will he hate it? Let’s find out!

On the film’s kinda hilarious plot: “Robert McCall, a former CIA operative, is minding his own business as a Lyft driver before being compelled to avenge the murder of a close friend.”

On the film’s appeal to older men: “In recent years, we’ve seen a wave of ‘geri-action’ movies that cater to older guys who don’t want to think they’ve lost a step. McCall’s reflexes remain lightning-fast — there’s no sign of wear or tear on this aging warrior.”

On the film’s extreme violence: “The violence is extreme — Washington straight-up harpoons a dude.”

On the “reluctant action hero” trope, and the film’s moral escape clause: “He doesn’t want to kill people! Circumstances just keep forcing him to. We can feel absolved for enjoying watching McCall lay waste to rapists and killers, because we’re not getting off on the violence — we’re appreciating the ethical complexity of this morally fraught situation.”

On the film’s themes: “Sloppily executed.”

On other sequels Denzel should have made instead of this one, his first:

For even more on The Equalizer 2, including how hard it is to fight in a Lyft and the thematically-obvious books McCall has atop his reading list, click here.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

There’s a lot of conflicting information out there regarding when is the best time to eat breakfast. But in reality, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. In fact, the best time to eat breakfast is whenever you goddamn feel like it.

The Beating Path

All summer, Miles Klee has been ruining his weekends reading clichéd, “masculine” novels — the type PUAs hold dear to their hearts — and reviewing them for our pleasure. This week it’s the beast you’ve all been waiting for: Fight Club. More than 20 years out, Palahniuk’s breakneck debut has a muddled and poisonous legacy, maybe because nobody can agree whether it’s a sincere guidebook or satire.

The Dicks of Bayeux

Want to play a game? It’s a lot like Where’s Waldo?, but instead of looking for a skinny, bespectacled dude in a red-and-white-striped shirt, you’re doing what a professor of medieval history at the University of Oxford did and finding all 93 dicks covertly woven into in the Bayeux Tapestry. Here’s one, consider it a gimme:

Only 92 to go!