Years ago, when I used to live in San Francisco, a co-worker once asked me to grab lunch with him. When the discussion landed on where we were going to eat, he said, “I know a place with an incredible buffet, and it’s cheap, too.” I, being 22 and poor, was like, “Sign me up!” What I didn’t expect was that the lunch buffet was in a strip club. And today I find it atop this list of best strip-club buffets Zagats wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole.
Because there’s nothing like gorging yourself on some tasty chicken tenders while fending off advances from the ladies working the Tuesday noon shift.
Sink your teeth into that story and everything else, below.
“What It’s Like to Be Financially Dependent on Your Wife”
It’s 2018, and that means it’s no longer shocking to find women playing the role of primary earner. And yet, men who have been reduced to bit players in their family’s financial picture still, on occasion, find themselves in unfamiliar territory. C. Brian Smith spoke to one full-time dad about what it’s like to be a man relying on his wife’s money, and all the baggage that comes with it. READ MORE
Your beloved grandfather has just died. If you were close to him, the experience of losing a loved one is terrible enough. But what if, in going through his affairs, you discover that he was a Nazi? Or had a mountain of debt? Or that he fathered a secret love child? Finding some familial land mines like that will likely rock your already-precarious world. Thankfully, others have gone through it and were kind enough to share their hard-earned wisdom.
You said ‘Cox.’
Anita Dick. Mike Hunt. Mike Cox. You probably knew at least one of these unfortunately named people who were goofed on relentlessly for the euphemistic pun that was their name (sorry for harping on it, Mike!). After all the shit they got in high school, do you ever wonder if it got any easier? For answers, contributing writer Quinn Myers sought out a few such Coxs and Hunts. Here’s their story.
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Loosed Vagina’d
It’s about goddamn time women get back at us men for all the shit we give them about their vaginas getting stretched out from sex:
Where once the joke was an increasingly cavernous vag, in its place are men and their shriveling dongs, and all I can say is go get us, ladies. And they are—men and their shrunken dicks has reached full-on meme status on Twitter. Miles Klee emailed one of the originators of the tweets to get her thoughts on what humor can do to change—or invert—these frustrating conversations.
No, You Cannot Flush a Bat Down the Toilet
In a pitch meeting last week (you know, the kind where we sit around throwing story ideas on the wall to see what sticks), someone mentioned the news that Americans were flushing contact lenses down the shitter, and all the problems that was causing the environment. Staff writer Ian Lecklitner set out to write a follow-up piece about it, and in doing so, got in touch with an employee at the ubiquitous plumbing company, Roto-Rooter.
So far, so good.
However, in doing his due diligence, Lecklitner asked, “What other kinds of things do people erroneously flush down the toilet?” And that’s when the story changed. Our plumber gave him quite the laundry list of crap us doofuses think is “flushable.” Here’s a taste:
- Dead bats
- Live cats
- Live snakes
- Ice picks
- Cell phones
- Alarm clocks
- Bath towels
- Door knobs
- Hummingbird feeders
- Kitchen knives
Obviously, now the story is about everything you can’t flush down the john. Because who cares about contact lenses when you compare it to all the other shit we’re dumping.
Come for the Food, Stay for the Girls
You wouldn’t think a strip club would have good food, but you’d be wrong. I’m not saying they’re all three-star Michelin fine-dining extravaganzas. But for the all-vegan menus, lumberjack breakfasts and surprisingly good chicken piccatas on this list of bangin’ strip-club buffets, you wouldn’t be missing anything if you went for the meal and never once laid eyes on a dancer.
Speaking of Lunch…
It saddened us to learn that Subway (Eat Fresh®) has announced the winding-down of its $5 footlong, their most successful promotion ever. Miles Klee wrote this ode the $5 footlong, and all the ways Subway has convinced us to eat low-grade cold cuts on a giant loaf of honey oat bread. Au revoir, $5 footlong, and thanks for that annoying-ass jingle.