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ICYMI: Black-Market Bookies, Fetishizing Your Bartender and Everything Else From The Week That Was

Happy Sunday, everybody. So much great stuff to read this week, but first, let’s check out some of the stories I didn’t get to over the last couple installments of ICYMI:

For lols: Lots to choose from here—like this piece on the phenomenon of men’s haircuts inexplicably taking a week to stop looking like shit. Or, perhaps you’d like to point and laugh at the people burning their Disneyland Annual Passes over the theme park’s decision to serve alcohol at a single, solitary Star Wars-themed bar.

For tears: If you’re not burnt out on Burt Reynolds coverage, Miles Klee eulogizes the movie star and his immeasurable contribution to legitimizing the hairy-chested among us.

For help: Emotional abuse is hard to identify, but still devastating—here are the signs you or someone you know might be a victim. Also, unsure which cooking oils are good for you, and which ones might not be? We asked a dietitian to help us sort it out.

If none of that catches your fancy, here’s the best of the rest from The Week That Was…

Must Reads

“The Last of the Bookies”
In May, the Supreme Court struck down a 1992 federal law banning sports gambling in effectively every state but Nevada. The gold rush has been on ever since. For instance, 10 states are set to legalize gambling in one form or another by the end of the year. That has black-market bookies nervous about what the future holds. Features writer Eddie Kim spoke to one such bookie—on a burner phone, naturally—about life after illegal sports betting. READ MORE

“The Three Kinds of Assholes You Meet in Centrist Hell”
Miles Klee goes full Miles Klee on the three species of well-platformed public figures peddling the false belief that the current administration is a temporary aberration, rather than a climax of American rot: #Resistance grifters, never-Trumpers and the apolitical pundits yearning for a return to the Discourse That Once Was. READ MORE

Minivans and the Men Who Love Them
Minivans are “uncool.” They’re “for soccer moms.” They neuter “youth” and “independence,” marking the irrevocable state of existence called “parenthood.” There are, however, a few men who exalt the minivan as the elegant choice for fathers, adventurers and pragmatists alike. Eddie Kim found four of these birds of a different feather, who explain in their own words how they fell in love with the ugly duckling of the auto world. READ MORE

“It’s Time to Talk About Emotional Abuse”
In the #MeToo era, stories of emotional abuse are popping up everywhere. But that hasn’t made it any easier to identify — considering emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible marks, and victims often don’t even realize it’s happening until after the fact. And with confusion over what constitutes this type of manipulation versus, say, what’s just a “rocky relationship,” it becomes even more important to identify the defining aspects of emotional abuse. READ MORE

Five Things We Learned This Week

  1. If your bartender doesn’t buy you a drink, they’re just not that into you. Sure, you could try to leave your number, but if they don’t call you, that’s a clear sign they’re not going to fuck you. Sorry!
  2. “The idea that true love constitutes spending as much of one’s time together as possible is an unrealistic model of how true love works.” That, according to sex educator and porn’s elder stateswoman, Nina Hartley. Sure, marriage is “till death do us part,” but perhaps a temporary parting is exactly what our romantic relationships need from time to time.
  3. You can tell a lot about a person based on their slang for vomit, money or semen. For example, in regards to the latter, terms like “spunk,” “splooge” and “skeet” only really work if you’re under 25. And if you refer to money as “cheddar,” “cabbage” or “cake,” you’re A) trying too hard; and B) probably attempting to glorify your bank balance beyond its perceived fiscal limits.
  4. “Sex positivity” doesn’t mean that you have to sleep around. Nor is it a means of getting women to have sex with you. What sex positivity is about, is acceptance and removing judgement when it comes to all things sex (or lack thereof).
  5. Some dudes were never taught how to clean their asses. I know, I know, it boggles the mind. But it’s true nonetheless: Whether in the shower or on the toilet, the asshole is a no-go zone for some men. Some of these helpless chaps even think cleaning their anuses might turn them gay.
This might be a dealbreaker.

The Week in Quotes

Mistress Lucy Sweetkill is a professional dominatrix with a popular BDSM-themed livestream on Periscope. But don’t think you’re going to tune into some domination. Sweetkill’s show isn’t about arousal — it’s about education. As in, educating the public about the misunderstood and often lampooned world of bondage.

You’d think the comments section of Pornhub would be filled with horny dudes saying horny things. Well, yes, there’s that. But there’s also something more unexpected—wholesomeness among all that thirst.

What does a best-selling comic book writer do with a character like Marvel’s Luke Cage, who has unbreakable skin and a bulletproof exterior? If you’re Anthony Del Col, you give him head trauma. And not just any head trauma—Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). By doing so, you bring awareness to a neurological condition that’s typically been relegated to the sports world.

And Now, A Word From Our Readers…

“Why Does My Girlfriend Smell Like Cake? And Flowers? And Raindrops? And Unicorns?”

“The Odd (and Oddly Sweet) World of Obsessive Pornhub Commenters”

“It’s Time to Talk About Emotional Abuse”