Whatever path brought you to this moment, outwardly wondering whether it’s possible to derive sexual satisfaction from a bidet, you can rest easy. The answer is yes, of course you can. If hedonism’s greatest heroes have shown us anything, it’s that people can derive pleasure from almost anything — and a little robot that splurts water into one of your body’s top three pleasure holes is no different.
After all, hardly any form of technical innovation gets very far before humans try to fuck in, on, or each other with it. So it should also come as no surprise that in the 300-plus years since its invention, the bidet has become a cornucopia of pleasures.
I look down from my castle; "these pitiful peasants," I think. "Pooping without a warm water bidet." I moan in pleasure as Poseidon himself licks my ass
— Jack Lambert (@LeftyLambert) August 4, 2021
Now, as to the question of how to pleasure yourself with a bidet, there are a few options. Let’s start with using a bidet for prostate play. On the Reddit community dedicated to prostate stimulation, r/ProstatePlay, there isn’t a shred of doubt that using a bidet for pleasure works — but using the bidet to massage the prostate is a no-go.
That is to say, jacking up the water pressure so as to achieve internal prostate stimulation will cause more harm than good: The water jet could cause irritation and over-massage your prostate, which can lead to hemorrhoids, inflammation, erectile dysfunction and a number of health problems.
Still, there’s plenty of bidet-borne butthole pleasure to be had. “I just tried one for the first time and decided to buy one,” writes one redditor in r/ProstatePlay. “It is mildly stimulating, and makes clean up for prostate play quicker and easier than using the shower or bath.”
“The pressure gets past the outer sphincter and cleans inside a bit,” another pleasure-seeker writes in the subreddit. “It’s not sexually stimulating but it feels nice, [similar to] what I feel when my thong moves in my buttcrack. Anything that fools around with my butthole is fun.”
If you want to add some prostate stimulation into the mix via a toy or your own digits, feel free to do so. Ultimately, a perfectly angled warm stream of water from your bidet provides great supplemental pleasure — like drinking your own sweat, making your jizz taste good or letting a few mosquitos loose in the bedroom.
Finding new enjoyment in a bidet is also not always about erotic pleasure. Here’s how one redditor describes the frothy feeling: “I like how the bidet lets me poop twice,” they write. “If you angle it just right, water goes right up into your butt. Then you can push it all out again and it feels like you’re pooping again.”
Using a bidet to shoot water past the sphincter and into the intestines is, technically speaking, an enema (or anal douche).The occasional enema is a perfectly fine and healthy way to prepare for sex, but too many enemas can be dangerous.
Online, there is no shortage of commentary on the pure pleasure found in feeling completely poop-free. But according to Evan Goldstein, founder of the gay men’s anal and sexual health clinic Bespoke Surgical, it’s likely many of those people have enjoyed the “cleansing” feeling of enemas so much that they’re overdoing it.
“Most people are over-douching. They’re either using shower hoses or large bulbs,” Goldstein explained to MEL’s Ty Mitchell. “What happens is the first time — and this is a classic — someone uses [a large douche], a little shit comes out. Great. Second time someone uses it, they feel super, super clean. Then the third time, they’re like, ‘Well, you know what, I want to do it one more time to make sure,’ and there’s shit coming out again.”
When water gets pushed further and further into the intestines, poop will keep coming out. But at the same time, that means water is reaching too far into the intestines, which “can have significant negative effects,” Goldstein explained to MEL contributor Jake Hall. “They can disrupt the normal balance of good and bad bacteria that reside [in your rectum], and there’s a chance that micro-cuts and tears can happen.”
Not only that, but too many enemas can lead to your intestinal muscles becoming so weak that you’ll be unable to poop without one.
To that end (pun unavoidable), if it’s pleasure from a bidet you seek, look no further than the surface of your butthole. With the right temperature and angle, you could soon find yourself among the growing chorus of redditors who declare the anal-tickling aspect of the bidet makes it “one of the best parts of a highly advanced civilization.”
Quinn Myers
Quinn Myers is a staff writer at MEL. He reports on internet culture, technology, health, masculinity and the communities that flourish within.
