Guys like to feel desired, too. They want to feel attractive and appealing. And sometimes, yes, they want to be sexualized. Objectified, even. Treated like a lil’ slut. But for many partners, this doesn’t come naturally. While plenty of people readily enjoy taking up the dominant position, it’s not familiar for everyone — particularly for women who may be more accustomed to taking on a more submissive role. This week on Reddit, for example, a woman took to r/AskMen to request help fulfilling her boyfriend’s request that she “respectfully objectify” him. How exactly should someone do this without going overboard or breaking boundaries?
Per the responses to the thread, it’s often more about making a guy — or anyone, really — feel casually hot and sexy, in a fun way. “He likely just means that he wants to avoid the hooting and catcalls, but you can still smack his ass and tell him he’s overdressed,” the top comment reads. Another cites how their wife always yells “show me that dick” whenever he gets out of the shower. Others say to compliment him a lot, or initiate sex more often.
In other words, respectful objectification simply involves highlighting the fact that your partner is someone you want to have sex with (whatever “sex” means to you). Objectifying them reduces them into something that’s sheerly fuckable, and when done consensually and with communication, this can make them feel intensely desired and worthy. Obviously, their fuckability isn’t the only reason you’re with them, and there are plenty of other ways to express your love, but sometimes, something as basic as this gets forgotten. Even if it seems like a given, people still want to be reminded of their desirability.
For those who want to be objectified, though, it can also be a bit more serious — and literal. “Objectification can be a beautiful thing as it takes away the pressures of a 50/50 dynamic,” says Victoria Silver, a New York City domme. “To be ‘transformed’ into an object, whether that be human furniture, a human ashtray, a human wallet or even a human dildo, allows purposeful pleasure with minimal thought. Chairs and ATMs don’t think or speak.”
As always, how this objectification manifests varies from person to person. “‘Respectful’ objectification depends on how that submissive wants to be objectified,” Silver continues. “For example, my submissive boyfriend gets used as a human dildo and knows better than to talk or move as I use him. Another one of my clients likes to be an ashtray, and to him, respect looks like putting joints out on his tongue.”
Figuring out how someone wants to be objectified, then, is pretty straightforward: You just ask. “The best advice I can give is to communicate your fantasies to your partner,” says Silver. “Ask your partner what this objectification looks like in their eyes.” In this case, it really helps to be specific, as “objectify me” could mean anything.
For those who want to explore more intense forms of objectification but aren’t sure where to begin, Silver has a few pointers. First, she recommends allocating tasks to your partner, like fetching a glass of water or having them clean up after you “to sway the balance from equality to superiority.” “From there,” she says, “integrate tasks that reduce them to the status you see fit: cleaning toilets, acting as a table or chair, while humiliating them or encouraging their status as an object.” Because you should have discussed these activities beforehand and gotten your partner’s consent to play with them this way, this should feel quite good to them.
As Silver’s boyfriend, L, tells me, he sees his own submission as being all about giving a woman pleasure however she sees fit, “which can definitely lead to being objectified or being used as a sexual object.” In their relationship, L and Silver were both aware of each other’s interests in D/s roles upon meeting, which helped facilitate how exactly he’d be objectified. “Pretty much everything was out on the table less than an hour into meeting her,” he says.
Obviously, this level of submission and objectification isn’t for everyone. But you might not know whether this is what your partner wants or not if you don’t ask. This is, again, the most essential part of objectifying your partner if they desire it: having them tell you precisely what it is they’re looking for. Maybe they just want you to tell them they look fuckable, maybe they want to be treated like a human footstool.
You’ll never know unless you ask.