I’m happy as a pig in shit today, all thanks to this Miles Klee piece on conservative politicians and their creepy beards. Finally! Something millennials aren’t going to get blamed for killing. After being blamed for the death of everything from American cheese to big ol’ tiddies, it’s high time we got a win.
It does make me a little sad, and a little angry that doofuses like the Trump bros have finally made the Bearded Age untenable. I have a beard — what can I say, my girlfriend digs it — and I was finally starting to enjoy it, especially now that talk about hipsters and their facial hair has begun to die down. But now Republicans have go around sporting beards that make them look like Wooly Willy and ruin the fun for the rest of us? Smh.
I guess my girlfriend’s going to have to live with disappointment.
Must Read
“What Happens When Your Doctor Is the Addict?”
Here’s a stat that ought to scare the pants off of you: The common estimate for drug or alcohol addiction among physicians is between 10 to 15 percent — a distinct increase from the 8 to 10 percent rate in the general population. Yikes. If that wasn’t frightening enough, in reality that abuse rate is likely much higher, since many docs only ask for help when the wheels fall off and their license is revoked. Thankfully, a new crop of rehab centers are popping up designed specifically for these troubled doctors. READ MORE
Freak Show
What do you get when you combine mixed martial arts, Mortal Kombat, monster trucks and dudes who look like Rocky IV’s Ivan Drago? Konfrontacja Sztuk Walki (KSW) — Poland’s bonkers version of the UFC — which translates to “Martial Arts Confrontation” in English.
From an elite-fighter perspective, KSW can’t compete with promotions like UFC and Bellator. And that’s more than fine, because what makes KSW special is its understanding that while MMA connoisseurs might prefer technical battles in the octagon, the casual viewer prefers over-the-top spectacle with a side of blood.
Liar Liar
Watching Donald Trump’s former fixer Michael Cohen field questions from Congress yesterday was the embodiment of an interesting question: How, and when, do you trust a known liar? Quinn Myers reached out to several mental health professionals to see if they had any ideas.
Scholastically Stupid Aptitude Test
Like clockwork, Twitter has done exactly what the Twitter does, which is take the news that President Trump allegedly instructed Michael Cohen to suppress his SAT score, and made it a reason for Extremely Online users to humblebrag about their SAT scores. Newsflash: SAT scores are bullshit. After all, what do they really measure, anyways? Tracy Moore (SAT score: 1350) wades in.
Fear the Beard
Speaking of liars, what’s the deal with creepy Republican beards?
Ted Cruz has the beard of a man whose Fleshlight makes him wear a condom. pic.twitter.com/bSca3FzWSQ
— Geppetto San Martín (@SmalltimeJones) February 18, 2019
Stink So Good
Applying deodorant before getting musty at the gym might sound like a pointless endeavor, but there are plenty of good reasons to smell like roses while you sweat — just ask the person on the machine next to you.
Et Tu, Robert Kraft?
“Bob, really? Paying for a second-rate hand job at a third-rate massage parlor when you’re the billionaire owner of the New England Patriots, who probably wipes his ass with the amount of money it’d cost to hire a first-rate escort?” Tell me that thought didn’t cross your mind as you read the news about Robert Kraft’s brush with the law this week. If it did, check yourself. Because you might want to consider why progressive attitudes about non-traditional sexual activity and sex work usually go out the window when famous people are involved.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
