This year has brought new depths of despair and ennui to the collective consciousness. What’s the point? Why am I here? Must I be forced to sit in isolation, exposed to a constant battery of discourse ultimately detached from my lived experience simply because one specific sperm swam the fastest toward my mother’s eggs? No, actually — you must experience this because you were chosen to.
Among the many paradigm shifts brought unto us recently, researchers have published three groundbreaking studies that fundamentally change how we think about sperm and conception. First, we learned that sperm that might have originally been identified as being underdeveloped in fact have greater motility than their seemingly more developed peers. Next, we learned that sperm don’t actually swim — instead, they propel like a rotating drill bit. Finally, and perhaps most revelatory, it was discovered that the sperm that fertilizes the egg is neither the fastest nor first one to get there. Instead, the egg selects the sperm it likes best for producing a healthy child.
The idea of the “fastest swimmer” has pervaded our understanding of how life is formed. In some ways, people used it as a sort of badge of honor — you may not have accomplished much in this life, but at least the sperm that created you beat out the rest. But, as we now know, that’s not really true. The reality is almost more profound: Your mother’s eggs chose the specific sperm in order to form you. It wasn’t just some random combination, but the careful curation of genetic traits.
In quick order, memes have already emerged to reflect these scientific breakthroughs, attempting to grapple with our newly altered perception of existence. It’s poetic for some, while others seem to think their mother’s eggs made the wrong decision.
Regardless, these memes represent one major theme: You’re supposed to be here. Your existence wasn’t entirely random. Maybe you aren’t here because you won the sperm race, but you were still chosen as the best out of the 280 million sperm available. The sperm themselves contain relatively little capacity for choice, their only job is to move forward. The egg, though, contains infinite wisdom, and in that wisdom, it picked the sperm that made you.
Do with that knowledge what you will.