It’s only natural to panic when your dog swallows a condom, or worse, an anal bead. But you’re not powerless, nor alone. If Reddit is to be even delicately believed, pups everywhere love to eat Trojans and sex toys — especially cock rings — and there’s plenty you can do about it.
From a veterinary perspective, ingested condoms and sex toys pose two separate challenges. The former is relatively easy to deal with. Emergency vet Tony Johnson, who’s liberated a few gulped rubbers, says the safest option is to call your vet and have them induce vomiting. That way, when the condom comes up, you have nothing left to worry about.
That said, Johnson believes that large dogs in particular may be able to pass a condom without treatment. If you go this route, keep an eye on your pup for 24 hours to ensure they’re eating, drinking and going to the bathroom normally. If the condom doesn’t appear in one of their poops during that time, you’ll need to visit your vet so they can figure out where it is.
But as long as the condom leaves your dog’s body from one of two ends, there should be no harm done. “As long as you don’t have a lot of funk on your junk, they’re not going to have any problems with infectious diseases,” Johnson assures me.
However, swallowed sex toys present more of a problem, in large part because they’re bigger and less malleable. A broken sex toy in particular could have sharp edges, which may rupture your dog’s stomach or GI tract. So, if they’ve eaten one, you’ll need to have a discussion with your vet, stat.
That doesn’t automatically mean your dog will need to rush into surgery. Again, Johnson says induced vomiting might be an option, especially if they can spot the toy in the stomach on an X-ray. He also says that, yet again, big dogs may even manage to pass a small sex toy without any help at all.
If, though, the toy is lodged in your dog’s stomach, a vet will likely need to grab it with an endoscope. And if it’s in your dog’s intestines, surgery is the only viable option. Johnson says the cost of surgery can range, but you’ll be hard-pressed to spend less than a grand.
The best way to avoid that? Dil-don’t put your dildos anywhere your dog can reach, and consider getting a covered trash can for your condom-disposal needs. Those are for your holes, not theirs.
Ian Lecklitner
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone's favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
