2-25-19

Black Guns Matter, Grocery Hoarding: Killer of Relationships and the Best Places to Hide Your Pocket Pussy

Couples breaking up over hoarding groceries is bad and all, but have you ever fought over which DVD to rent?

Back before Netflix, few things got me and my college girlfriend as heated as a trip to the local Blockbuster. We’d go maybe once or twice a week and proceed to spend an hour-plus choosing between two movies: Gladiator or Sideways? Shaun of the Dead or Napoleon Dynamite? The clerk probably rolled his eyes the moment we walked through the door.

Of course, we also fought about which check-out line to stand in at CVS, so perhaps we had deeper issues than choosing the movie of the week.

Must Read

“In the ‘Black Guns Matter’ Movement, ‘Make Racists Afraid Again’ Is About Education, Not Violence”
Don’t confuse Black Guns Matter with the NRA, and don’t confuse founder Maj Toure with a “gun guy.” “I’m a freedom guy. A gun is just a tool to defend freedom,” explains Toure, who founded the organization in 2015 with the notion that the best way to reduce gun violence — and racism — in urban communities is by educating African Americans on their Second Amendment rights. Something Toure views as a significant, impactful undertaking when African-American men are 14 times more likely to be shot than whites. READ MORE

Repost. Repost!

Memes are arguably a language all to themselves. Thanks to Instagram’s share function, for example, the ability to share the memes we love with the people we love is easier than ever. But this brings up a strange new digital-age dilemma: How do you tell your significant other their meme is old as fuck without discouraging them from reaching out at all?

A Film Critic On… ‘Paddleton’

On what it is: “Mark Duplass plays Michael, a copy-store clerk with terminal cancer who asks his best friend, Andy (Ray Romano), to go on a trip with him to secure the lethal, legal prescription that will kill him peacefully.”

On what it really is:Paddleton is about the uncomfortable tenderness between heterosexual guys — and why it’s worth the effort to ride out that awkwardness anyway.”

On dialogue, and the lack thereof: “While there’s a lot of dialogue in Paddleton, Michael’s impending death and these guys’ affection for one another are almost never discussed. As Michael comes closer to deciding he’s ready to go, what’s not being discussed gets increasingly louder — and their inability to communicate candidly grows all the more poignant.”

On not taking the easy route: “I was glad that it turns out that (as far as we can tell) neither of them is gay. That would have seemed like a gimmicky plot twist, undercutting the filmmakers’ point that straight male friends can feel so close to one another yet be unable to say affectionate words to one another.”

On the film’s underlying tragedy: “How much more profound, emotional and rewarding could their friendship be if they lowered their guard and allowed vulnerability to enter into the mix?”

Read the rest of Tim Grierson’s take on Paddleton, here—  including a look back at the greatest stand-up joke Ray Romano ever told; a brief primer on ‘death with dignity’ laws; and why everyone should run and see the Duplass Brothers’ 2005 mumblecore classic Puffy Chair.

Acetamino-What?

I don’t take Tylenol if I can help it, mainly because I don’t know what’s in it, but I heard it can kill you. So color me pleasantly surprised when I heard we were doing a What’s In This? on it.

Acetaminophen is even worse than I thought, however. Not only can it kill you in certain circumstances, but if you manage to stay alive, it doesn’t even reduce inflammation like ibuprofen, it only masks pain signals. So it’s confirmed: I’m sticking with Advil.

Check out what every other ingredient in Tylenol is for — yes, even magnesium stearate — here.

PILF

Twitter was lit last week over the statue of one Babe-raham Lincoln in the L.A. Federal Courthouse, but it’s hardly the first time we’ve used art to transform one of our dad-bodish presidents into a total fuccboi. And judging by Ben Garrison’s extremely thirsty cartoons of President Trump, it won’t be the last.

You’re Tearing Us Apart, Groceries!

Few things are more likely to kill an otherwise solid relationship than being irresponsibly spend-y. And that goes double when the money being spent is on things you absolutely don’t need — like a 12th bottle of soy sauce:

Wife doesn’t pay attention to what we already have when buying groceries. from mildlyinfuriating

Unsurprisingly, if this kind of relationship-killing grocery hoarding has been a problem for you, there’s a simple solution Tracy Moore is happy to explain.

WTH is a Macro?

If anything is the embodiment of the “everything that’s old is new again” idiom, it’s the Keto diet. Case in point: Macros, i.e., the backbone upon which the Keto diet is built, and how it’s just a jargon-y sounding catch-all for something every dieter has been doing since time immemorial: Keeping track of their fat, carb and protein intake.

Hide Yo’ Pocket Pussy, Hide Yo’ Butt Plug

My 3 year old daughter found my sex toy stash from TwoXChromosomes

Oof. It’s one of those unfortunate ironies that sex toys are both wonderful to own, and yet, totally and completely embarrassing for others to happen upon. I mean, who wants to explain why their Fleshlight is in the dishwasher? Thankfully, Isabelle Kohn is here with some extremely genius places to stash your toys — because the last place your teenager is going to root around in, is a box marked “Tax Stuff.”

MEL Slack, Presented Out-of-Context

 

 

Thank you to Hussein Kesvani for saying what we’re all thinking.