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People Really Seem to Want to Know if Apple Juice Makes Your Penis Bigger

It seems to just be a stupid meme, but where did this theory even come from?

Even the stupidest memes reflect some aspect of our social reality. This year, searches for “how to make pp bigger” reached their peak thanks to fans of Swedish gaming YouTuber PewDiePie, among whom “pp” has become a meme, as Fatherly reported

But somewhere along the way, like a horrific game of internet dick telephone, these searches mutated. “Does apple juice make your pp bigger” grew in searches, which then morphed simply into the idea that apple juice could enhance your penis size overall. Now, the idea that apple juice could help grow your penis is a meme of its own. But for the love of God, why?

An apple a day… from memes

Most likely, this is just the result of the usual dispersal of online humor. There is, as I’d hope you’d expect, no evidence that apple juice is anything but an unreasonably sugary beverage. However, there are several online blogs and articles from sites that have probably already installed malware onto my computer who are pushing the theory. One from Empire News even cites a nutritional study from Boston University on the topic, though no such study seems to exist. 

“‘Six months into the study the average erect penile length of our group increased from 5.75 inches to 6.25 inches, while erect penile circumference increased from 3.8 inches to 5.3 inches… It became overwhelmingly obvious that semen production increased very rapidly along with leg-shaking, intense, full-body orgasms. Obviously our test subjects were very pleased with their personal growth and newly discovered, unprecedented orgasms. I guess one could say, the juice gives you more juice, and more juice keeps a smile on your face,’” the article quotes a made-up professor as saying.

A better idea of the attitude toward this apple juice theory comes from Reddit. “First off apple juice increases the size of your penis (that goes for women too). Also eight times out of ten after having a glass of apple juice a furry will be convicted of warcrimes in Yugoslavia,” [sic] a post on r/copypasta says. Even penis-enlargement subreddit r/AJelqForYou refers to it simply as a “funny meme,” so hopefully there aren’t really insecure teens out there chugging apple juice by the gallon in the name of penis gains (although, almost certainly, some will be doing exactly that).

Comfortingly, much of the data Google Trends is picking up about apple juice and dick growth is meme related. Again, maybe people are encountering the meme and hoping there is some truth to it, but sadly there is none. There are far worse ways to attempt to make your dick bigger, though, so if you want to try to chug some apple juice for weeks on end, well, good luck to ya.