As anyone who’s ever watched porn knows, it has the occasional tendency to make you feel like a lube-encrusted wretch teetering on the edge of total degeneration. Don’t get me wrong — I love the stuff, but every now and then, it’s nice to watch something that counteracts the utter depravity a 30-minute montage of misdirected step-siblings can wreak. A porn palate cleanser, if you will.
Allow me then to introduce you to Ryan Creamer.
As it stands, Creamer is the world’s most wholesome porn star and the current best thing on the internet. Always fully clothed in piano teacher garb and a goofy smile that says “Safety is my middle name!”, he makes virtuous, adorable and entirely SFW Pornhub videos aimed at flipping the tired, old clichés of mainstream porn on their heads.
In Creamer’s world, casting couches get disinfected, siblings politely decline each other’s advances and pizzas are delivered just as they were ordered, mercifully free of “extra sausage.” He’s even got a POV forehead kiss compilation that’s so earnest and relaxing that I honestly thought he was about to reach through the computer and tuck me into bed with a warm glass of milk (or more fittingly, cream). It’s just so unexpectedly cute — watching it feels like how I imagine watching a floppy puppy bound through a meadow of hypoallergenic daisies would: warm, fuzzy, and most importantly, far more pure than I was 10 minutes ago when I was frantically typing “huge dick foot-job” into the Pornhub search bar.
It’s popular, too. In the three months he’s been at it, Creamer’s videos have amassed more than 2.5 million views from his growing fan base, who have have begun to refer to him as “the hero we don’t deserve,” “such a kind, polite man” and “a version of a saint-like Jesus.” In fact, one person among the Pornhub community wrote beneath a video of Creamer’s, “You make my heart cum.”
But who is this nice porn man winning so many hearts on the internet? Why is he doing this? And is he really as wholesome as he seems? After watching the forehead kiss video a couple more times to cleanse myself of all sin, I tracked him down to find out.
So really, what made you start doing this?
I starting doing this on a whim because I thought it was funny. After being on Pornhub one day, I scrolled down to the bottom of the page and saw a “Work With Us” tab. The idea of me working for Pornhub made me laugh, so I clicked. From there, I saw the verification process was simple, so I got verified and posted my first video. I liked the idea of someone who was pleasant and supportive in a pornographic environment — no judgement here, let’s just call a spade a spade and be sweet and lovely about it.
Your videos already have hundreds of thousands of views. Did this start taking off immediately?
It’s come in waves. It originally got big on Reddit in November after only the first two videos and that was so cool to me. After that, for the next month or so, I’d see screenshots of my stuff get big on Twitter, Tumblr or back on Reddit and each time was a thrill. Aria, who runs Pornhub’s social media accounts began to promote my stuff every time I’d post it and the reach that Pornhub has on social media definitely ramped up the amount of people seeing my face while scrolling. But the past two weeks or so has blown everything out of the water thanks to a bunch of websites picking it up or doing interviews with me. So by my standards it has never really stopped “taking off’ since doing it.
What kind of response have you gotten? Does anyone think you’re being earnest?
I’d say 70 percent of the responses are really nice and thankful. People say things like, “Thank you so much,” “I appreciate this” or “ILY daddy.” I think if you put a nice, kind energy out there, you give everybody else permission to put it out there as well. Then I’d say about 20 percent of people just comment that it’s crazy “Creamer” is my last name. The remaining 10 percent are people trying to have sex with me or sell me cryptocurrency.
You can get tips as a Pornhub community member. Have you been able to pay off your house yet?
I’ve gotten a couple of tips from very sweet people. I’ll say it’s been very funny to see some comments pulling big figures out of nowhere — “Did you know Pornhub pays $10,000 a video? This guy is making BANK, and he isn’t even taking his clothes off!” To those people and to everyone else, I must say, that’s 100 percent true and I’m insanely fucking rich.
As far as you know, has anyone actually gotten off to your videos?
People will comment that they’ve cum to my videos, though I imagine to a large extent all those comments are playing along with the joke. It’s the people who don’t comment at all who are the culprits. You lil’ sneaks are doing it, I know you are.
Are you as wholesome as these videos?
Unfortunately, I’m a terrible, awful man in real life.
Some people say your videos are the kinkiest thing they’ve ever seen. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever seen?
One time I was walking through Central Park and saw two people fucking doggy style as they like looked out over an ice rink. I hope they’re reading this.
What’s your opinion of the state of porn today? Do you find it problematic? Do you love it?
I think it’s as complex as about anything else in this world — it’s a business and one whose ugly underbelly is exposed more than most. From my perspective, it walks a tightrope between exploitation and empowerment. It’s a very difficult thing to speak about in broad strokes, especially being someone who knows so little about it.
What have you learned about porn from doing this?
You can have an average-sized penis and still make a career for yourself in the industry.
Isabelle Kohn
Isabelle Kohn is a sex and relationships journalist, educator and consultant who, for some reason, keeps writing about livestock instead. She writes features and long-form pieces for MEL, usually without the help of Clippy.
