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23AndMe: Not Even Once, Some Thoughts on Dr. Manhattan’s Dong and Why Twinks Are Out and ‘Lanks’ Are In

Man, I thought I had the “World’s Sketchiest Companies” list nailed already — Facebook, Monsanto, Comcast, Uber, etc. — but then I read this story about biotech company 23AndMe, and… damn.

They claim their product is their DNA-testing technology, but the real product is you!

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“I Tried to Get My DNA Back from 23AndMe. Here’s What Happened.”
Whatever you do, don’t give away your DNA — because you’ll never get it back. Such is the case with 23AndMe, the genetic testing and analysis behemoth that happily took Brian VanHooker’s saliva sample, but did everything in their considerable power to prevent him from ever getting it back. He even offered to swing by the office and pick it up himself! This, I promise you, will be the craziest thing you read all day. READ MORE

Who Watches the Watchmen’s Dong?

Few dicks have rocked the comic-book world as completely as the blue-tinted hog of one Dr. Manhattan, the resident omnipotent superman in Alan Moore’s Watchmen. Ever since he stepped naked out of the nuclear-field generator that his formerly human self accidentally stepped into, fans have pondered over this particular unit like none other, from the early days of the comic book to the recent Zak Snyder remake. And now that we’ve been gifted another live-action version on HBO’s Watchmen, it’s time we renew that dong discourse.

A Father-Son Movie

You know what’s a great flick to see with your dad? Dr. Sleep. Just kidding — as Tim Grierson writes in his review of The Shining sequel, it’s a good movie but a mindfuck, and a sobering look at what Jack Torrance — the original film’s homicidal, abusive monster — did to his son, the now grown-up Danny Torrance. (SPOILERS)

*Sits Down, Grunts*

Ever wonder why we grunt when we sit down as we get older? It might be that our bodies are simply wearing out. But it could also just be that, generally speaking, we’re done with this shit.

Nothing Like a Shirt on the Face

If you’re having trouble sleeping, perhaps you simply haven’t tried draping a T-shirt over your face. I know that sounds weird, but hear me out, because for a lot of guys, it’s the only way they can catch those ZZZZs.

Macho Macho Men

In Playing With Fire, former wrestler and current uniter of all Americans, John Cena, plays a tough-guy fireman forced to watch three unruly brats while comedy ensues. Truthfully, the movie looks kind of funny. But if the overwhelmed macho man who meets his miniature match(es) as a kids-movie premise is giving you a creeping sense of déjà vu, that’s because it’s been done before. At least 14 times by our count.

The Age of the Twink is Over

The age of the “lank,” on the other hand, is just beginning.

Spit Take

Do you even spit, bro? That’s the question porn would have you believe is on the mind of every person you fuck. But are people really spitting during sex as much as the smut business wants us to think? Desi Jedeikin investigates.

Deep Dive: Why Are ‘Superman’ Songs So Bad?