There is no surer sign that this dying planet is spinning further and further away from the sun and winter’s return is nigh than the sight of Halloween paraphernalia hitting the shelves of big box stores. However, there is one such omen whose hallowed gaze doesn’t send me spiraling into seasonal despair: Home Depot’s 12-Foot Skeleton, which just so happens to have gone on sale today.
Those who have been lucky enough to bring this foreboding symbol of death and destruction into their home often leave him towering over the neighborhood year-round, dressed for any occasion. That is to say, no matter the month or seasonal celebration, he’s a must-have.
Moreover, the fact that it’s not only on sale but actually in stock is nothing short of a Christmas-in-July miracle. You’ll not only be welcomed into exclusive Facebook groups for owners of the 12-Foot Home Depot Skeleton, but you’ll imbue an immense sense of fear, yet respect, into anyone who passes near your home.
Here’s another thing to fear, too: They’re so popular that if you don’t act fast (like by clicking this link ASAP fast), they could very well be gone by the time you finish this article.
These days, we’re surrounded by disaster and destruction. I say it’s time to just lean in. I mean, just gaze into those eyes:
You know what you need to do. Buy the skeleton.
Quinn Myers
Quinn Myers is a staff writer at MEL. He reports on internet culture, technology, health, masculinity and the communities that flourish within.
