Nocturnal emissions, aka “wet dreams,” are typically regarded as an awkward wonder of adolescence. “They tend to occur in teen years when testosterone levels are highest,” explains Muhammad Mirza, a New York City physician who specializes in men’s sexual health. By his estimation, almost every guy will have experienced at least one nocturnal emission by the age of 24.
While wet dreams in men older than 25 are rare, sexologist Marelize Swart says they’re not unheard of. “While it’s true that wet dreams are much more common in adolescent males who aren’t stimulating themselves to orgasm or having sex with others, wet dreams still may occur in ‘young adults,’ until the age of 35.” There isn’t any hard data on how many grown adult men experience nocturnal emissions, though anecdotal evidence — including dozens of responses to my query on Craigslist — suggest that plenty of guys cum in their sleep well into middle age.
Take P.J., for example, a 47-year-old man who lives in Baltimore….
The last wet dream I had was about four months ago.
I used to DJ weddings, and in the dream, I was at a wedding in a tuxedo with no tie. After the set, some guest — a random MILF like Stifler’s mom — took me aside, and we had sex in the corner, which was cool because I’ve never hooked up as a DJ in real life.
On average, I have a wet dream about every six months. The amount of sex I have (weekly) and how often I masturbate (daily) doesn’t really impact their frequency. They just seem to happen whenever they want. I’ve never thought to mention it to my doctor because I’ve never been worried about them. It’s always been more of a thing that made me laugh. Like, “Seriously, man?You’re in your late 40s!”
Ironically, during my teenage years, I never had them. I remember thinking in high school, why the fuck aren’t I part of the club? (Of course, I also didn’t develop respectable pubic hair until the end of my junior year of high school, so I have a track record of being a late bloomer.) It actually wasn’t until I was out of high school — around the age of 24 — that I had my first wet dream. I totally didn’t get it. I thought to myself, This was supposed to happen in seventh grade when things were awkward and weird, not when I’m an adult with a girlfriend and a healthy sex life!
That said, I really don’t mind them. In fact, I kind of enjoy their spontaneity. There’s no scheduling sex with the wife around soccer schedules and Jump Zone parties. Nor are there any pre-game masturbation rituals such as making sure the shades are pulled all the way down and the requisite amount of clean-up materials are handy. And how crazy is it that my mind can elicit a physical response like an orgasm without actual touching or insertion? No pulling, tugging, twisting or slapping. I guess it proves that the biggest sexual organ is the brain — stimulate it, and you can stimulate anything.
As for the dreams themselves, they run the gamut from the banal — we’re out on a date at a club — to super fantastical — I’m riding a seahorse on the beach while having sex with a mermaid. I’ve never tried to manipulate the dreams and bend them to my will like The Matrix (“There is no spoon!”). It’s always been more like, “This is happening; let’s just go with it.” Like there’s this recurring one at a high school party: I’m a Jedi Knight committed to galactic peace and forced to dispatch a rowdy bunch of dudes bothering some really attractive girls in our high school. As a token of their appreciation, the girls take me back to their place and we have the most amazing group sex.
I have no idea what it means. I’m a Star Wars fan, but not a Star Wars junkie. So it doesn’t really compute. Generally, I try not to think about the meaning of my wet dreams. I do, however, think about why particular women are appearing in them. For example, if it’s a woman I knew in high school, I’ll go back and try to think about if I’ve seen something about her on Facebook recently. Other times, she isn’t specific at all — a nameless, faceless woman who rips off my clothes and fucks my brains out. (Kinda like that scene in When Harry Met Sally.)
I do feel myself cumming in the moment. That’s part of the whole shock of it all — my body and my brain not connecting and feeling like, “What’s going on here? I’m not really having sex, but I’m cumming!” On occasion, I’ll wake up right after it’s happened, but most of the time, I don’t wake up until the morning. That’s the worst part: Being greeted with stained underwear.
Sometimes the dream feels so real that for the first 10 to 15 seconds afterward, I think, “Holy shit! Did I cheat on my wife?” Which brings about a strange combination of exhilaration and guilt. The guilt, of course, goes away when I realize I didn’t actually cheat on my wife. And yes, I’ve told her about my wet dreams. She’s cool about it. She just thinks it’s one of the quirks of being me.
The only real downside to wet dreams? I once had one where I started messing around with this woman and came too soon. It was embarrassing, and she was disappointed in my performance. I was like, “Great, premature ejaculation has invaded my fantasy life!”
It’s the only time I can remember my wet dream becoming a nightmare.
—As told to C. Brian Smith
