There’s arguably nothing as uncomfortable as swamp ass — or, in plainer terms, an ultra sweaty crack. Unfortunately, in the middle of summer you don’t have much of a say in the muggy matter, but dermatologist Anthony Rossi has some tips on managing the moisture down under. Let’s get to the bottom of this! (Sorry.)
First, let’s look at why that area becomes a steaming bog every summer. “The perineal area is one of those places on the body that sweats more than others,” Rossi explains. “Science isn’t exactly sure why that is, but there’s certainly not much ventilation, and there’s a lot of frictional heat caused by your butt cheeks rubbing together.” It doesn’t help that the sweat glands located in the perineal area, which are known as apocrine glands, also produce a thicker and stinkier perspiration.
Worse yet, a constantly sweaty crack can cause a domino effect of anal issues, and yes, that’s as bad as it sounds. “Sweat trapped between your butt cheeks allows for an overgrowth of bacteria and yeast, which can eventually lead to a bad case of what dermatologists call pruritus ani, or intense anal itching.”
Eek!
Fortunately, the fix is as easy as prepping a baby’s diaper — literally. Rossi recommends using a zinc oxide paste to soothe irritation caused by long exposure to moisture (and of course, frequently changing your undies). It also wouldn’t hurt to remove any hair in the area: If you have enough of it, it traps in the sweat and makes for a pretty rank odor.
So now that you know how to deal with swamp ass, you can shake that butt, worry-free, all summer long. “To the window, to the wall! My crack don’t sweat at all!” indeed.
Ian Lecklitner
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone's favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
