I would 100 percent know you were lying if you said you’ve never felt a tinge of resentment when a friend or significant other takes a peek at your plate and says, “Can I take a bite?”
Sharing your hard-earned food (well, you ordered it, didn’t you?) is a gut-punch direct to hypothalamus. I’m sorry you opted for a plate of roasted carrots — does that really entitle you to half my cheeseburger?
Me: want any cereal?
My Wife: nah I’m okay
Me: starts eating cereal
My Wife: ohh can I have a bite
Me: pic.twitter.com/Qp9d9OCNXN— Nolan Wells (@nwellsUKfan73) March 1, 2019
Sure, you could read what the experts say about the virtues of sharing. But in my mind, the only true and equitable solution is a frank discussion about the potential share situation before the menus come out, coupled with strategic ordering of crowd-pleasing dishes.
Because if you order a side salad and then come hunting for my fries, we’re gonna have an issue.
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2-For-1 Special
The Khloé Kardashian–Tristan Thompson–Jordyn Woods love-triangle dramatics from the last few weeks have been exciting, but nothing could have prepared us for this extremely meme-able bomb that dropped after Khloé dog-walked Jordyn on Twitter:
Oh shut up, will you??? You ain’t care when Tristan cheated on you the first fifty-leven times. You ain’t care when he was sharing his Groupon peen with the world while you were pregnant with Two Truths and A Lie™️. Why do you care now?
You’re a bird. A whole pterodactyl. https://t.co/Opz8WeUOOM
— Clarkisha Kent: This One Lady (@IWriteAllDay_) March 1, 2019
Hello… “Groupon peen”?!?!? That’s one of those unforgettable phrases you wonder how we ever did without, and, as Miles Klee explains, perhaps the perfect burn for whorish men in 2019.
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What Do We Do Now?
Being in a relationship is great! But when you both work 9-to-5 jobs, are tired as fuck when you get home, it’s easy to fall into the TV-and-occasional-fucking rut. So how do you keep things fresh? Let’s count the ways…
Mine… My Own… My Precious…
Being in a relationship is the pits. Because inevitably it means that you will, at some point, be faced with breaking their hungry little heart or sharing your delicious food.
That, my friends, is the very definition of a dilemma.
What you might not realize, however, is that learning how to share food is a good way to keep the peace. In fact, studies show that sharing food with a good friend or a romantic partner might actually strengthen that relationship.
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
