David, a 28-year-old in England, needed to lose his virginity or he was going to die. Feeling doomed to a sexless life—and beginning to wonder if that life was even worth living—he considered hiring an escort, or visiting Amsterdam’s infamous Red Light District.
Then he found r/VirginityExchange.
The subreddit is a community for virgins to connect, meet up and (hopefully) have sex for the first time. Unlike other Reddit sex-swap zones like r/RandomActsofBlowjob (for no-strings-attached oral action) and r/DirtyR4R (think Craigslist’s Casual Encounters), the 12,000-follower r/VirginityExchange allows only virgins to post; in fact, it boasts a lengthy set of rules to keep pesky non-virgins away. It’s also decidedly sex-positive—i.e., you won’t find misogynist incel groups here.
We tracked down two guys who used it to get laid for the first time. Both were experienced at using Reddit to make friends and felt confident they wouldn’t get catfished. They each attempted a few unsuccessful posts — and then, they say, they each got lucky.
Both men say the stigma of holding onto their V-cards had begun to creep into their mental health. With otherwise “established” lives, this was the one area they felt was lacking. So after resolving to lose their virginities one way or another, neither regrets using Reddit. The deed is done, and they feel liberated for it.
Here are their stories.
The Buildup
David, 28, England: I started r/nofap about a week before posting. For guys like myself who had basically trained their sexual instinct to be sated from masturbation, it didn’t take long to start rebooting it in a more healthy way toward finding a partner. After my second post, I got talking to one girl who was also a virgin, but, and no offense to her, it was due to a serious weight and looks problem, plus confidence issues that probably stemmed from the first two. I declined to meet her, and it put me off for awhile.
Eventually I got a PM from a beautiful woman, and we quickly scoped each other out. I was the first to send a picture, and throughout, I tried to be the first to open on details as to why I had stayed a virgin. It’s really important through the whole talking stage that you’re fully open with your partner — they’re the one who’s hoping to help you.
Sex was something I wasn’t going to be shy about. The girls on there are very sex-positive — it’s probably why they’re willing to be there — so there’s less chance of a virgin running into a prude and neither having a good time.
After a week and a half of Reddit back-and-forth, we booked a hotel two weeks into the future. I paid for the hotel and my travel, but let her pick the actual place so she’d feel better about where she was going to be. In the meantime, we moved the conversation to WhatsApp, which allowed us to move to more sexual talk, amping up excitement for the day. Without getting too personal, we really had the measure of each other’s desires by the end of the two weeks.
I met her on a Saturday at lunchtime after driving for four hours. Years of never losing your virginity isn’t worth being stingy over transport and hotel costs. We didn’t share last names until the morning of meeting up, despite being three weeks into knowing each other.
u/NewCastleOnYourKnees, 25, England: I got a few messages from my post. Most didn’t pan out for one reason or another. Eventually, after chatting with one girl, I felt some chemistry and decided to go all out and travel to see her. Fortunately, she didn’t live too far from me so I booked a hotel and travel and headed up in March.
I was super nervous but excited on the way there. We’d exchanged a few pictures leading up to the day as a taster, but it’s very different to seeing them in the flesh, of course. She took me to a bar just to loosen up a bit and check that I wasn’t a serial killer. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to talk to her. We had quite a “deep” talk about my reasons for being there. My hotel had a pool, so we headed back there after a little while, kept talking and I took a few sneaky glances.
It’s Business Time
David: We got at it pretty much straight away. We both knew why we were there, and there were things I’d expressed I wanted to do — things I felt I’d waited 10 years for. Shyness wasn’t going to stop me from asking, if she was receptive.
I finally got to explore her body, and she was amped up so much that she came on my fingers pretty quick—it felt really good making another person cum. She took me into her mouth, and I’m not ashamed to say I was too nervous and actually started losing my erection. Mouths and pussies feel very different, and you may struggle with the different sensation if you’re used to a death grip. We chilled out for a bit, just getting to touch, kiss, make up for lost years. I really enjoyed the intimacy.
When we got down to having sex, I didn’t finish the first time. She came a couple of times, but I couldn’t, so we went out for food and a drink before coming back and trying again. We settled into talking and touching again, then I offered her a massage, which morphed into a relaxed fuck. I learned that pounding for her pleasure won’t always get me off, that it’s okay to find the angle and speed that works for me, too. I was also relaxed enough by that point that I found the “feeling” and rode it to finish.
NewCastleOnYourKnees: I’ll not go into details for privacy, but I will say it did feel quite surreal. We just chilled out and watched TV for a while. I was unsure when to make a move. Fortunately, she’d done this before so she kindly took her chance and kissed me. I learned that I love kissing and being close to someone—feeling their breath is an amazing feeling.
We made out for a few minutes, then she went to the bathroom and undressed. Honestly, I thought it would be terrifying to get naked in front of someone, but it just felt natural and like a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
She was very gentle at first, taking it slow; she kept asking me if I was all right, which was very sweet. After a few minutes, all she asked was, “Wanna bang?,” to which I replied, “Yes, please!”
Again, the feeling isn’t what I expected, but fantastic all the same—having that intimacy is an intoxicating feeling. We were at it a while and she came twice but I couldn’t. It got to 2 a.m., and we were both tired so [we] eventually dozed off. We went for round two in the morning, and I was able to finish eventually. I like to think we both enjoyed it and I’ll be seeing her again soon to expand my horizons some more.
Was Reddit Worth It?
David: My life is for the better. I don’t want to get too dark, but when I was at my lowest about it around Christmas, I was only living for my niece and nephews. I was going to take my good job and keep earning money until I could stomach the single life no more, then leave it all to them and end it.
Nothing immediate, but in five years, maybe 10, maybe more. I was sick of feeling excluded from life, like the world of sex and relationships was one big in-joke that I wasn’t told and didn’t get. But then I decided the problem was solely my virginity — I needed rid of that by hook or crook.
I felt so down, all my looks, body, education, everything was wasted on a virgin like me. I felt like shit, I uninstalled Tinder, and decided that I was done. I’d dedicate life to being a great uncle to my niece and nephews.
Then I found r/VirginityExchange.
Just not having to maintain a lie about not being a virgin, and having a girl who loved to be with me sexually, having that monkey finally off my back, and being good at sex, has lifted my confidence so much higher than before. I can confirm that making a girl cum is one the most confidence-building, masculine-feeling things I’ve ever done.
Matching people looking to lose their virginity with people willing, happy and confident enough to take it is great. I really was only looking for a roadmap in that area, and I got it.
NewCastleOnYourKnees: Honestly, I’d just had enough. I wasn’t going to be able to chat to someone in real life, so Reddit would be a better bet for me. I had no obligation to actually go through with anything [on Reddit] if I didn’t get a good vibe or any responses. I just hoped that I’d find someone who understood me and my circumstances. I’ve met friends through Reddit, and I hoped someone to go that extra mile with me was out there too.
It doesn’t bother me in the slightest “how” I lost it. At the end of the day, the same thing happens. With two willing, consenting people who empathize and appreciate the other’s situation, I can see no downside. There’s an awful stigma on young people having sex as soon as possible, which can be very traumatizing for quieter people. Maybe if the sub gets much more popular, catfishing might become more prevalent, but that’s true of most dating/hookup subs.
Any Advice for Fellow Virgins?
David: Coming to the internet to ask a stranger to take your virginity should be one of the last resorts. Make yourself better. Go to the gym, pick up a hobby, work on your career. Funnily enough, this all kicked off for me when I was buying a house — a time when I was almost too busy to be dealing with the virginity thing. Just do something in your life that stops it from being all about sex. You need to be someone whose virginity is worth taking, not a charity case. Charity cases will never be sexy, and trust me, you want your partner to cum, and for that, they need to find something in you to be attracted to.
Quinn Myers
Quinn Myers is a staff writer at MEL. He reports on internet culture, technology, health, masculinity and the communities that flourish within.
