While there are several suggested methods for combating these spontaneous and oftentimes inconvenient salutes (tucking them into your waistband, taking a cold shower, thinking about your grandma, etc.), flexing a muscle — any muscle! — seems to be one of the most effective.
I recently discovered this technique thanks to a frequently cited comment on Reddit:
“You don’t have to wait it out. A man can get rid of an erection by flexing a large muscle for about 30 seconds or more, like both thighs. If you’re sitting, rest your feet on your toes and push off the ground as if you’re just about to stand up.”
On a similar Reddit thread, another commenter suggests that this method works by sucking the blood from your boner — which is basically just a sponge that fills up with blood — redirecting it to whichever muscle is being flexed.
While I was admittedly skeptical at first, board-certified urologist Jamin Brahmbhatt confirms that this explanation might actually be right on the money. “Your theory on the blood flow shift is accurate: The blood in your body is directed to where it needs increased nutrients, and therefore, if you’re flexing, the blood flow may be redirected,” he explains. “To be honest with you, though, flexing may also help shape the mind to focus on something else. And when your mind is distracted, you’re likely to lose your erection.”
I was still at least somewhat unconvinced, so I speedwalked to the nearest restroom (the location of which will remain nameless) and thought about sexy things until my guy was standing tall. I then proceeded to almost instinctively flex my right bicep and began counting, holding back laughter as I caught a glimpse of myself, my boner and my not-so-strong bicep in an unfortunately-placed full-length mirror.
“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…”
To my amazement, my boner began wilting within seconds, and it was completely and utterly flaccid by nine Mississippi. I literally watched my dong go from Excalibur to soggy hot dog before I could even count to 10.
Now, I can’t say for sure that my pumped-up bicep sucked the blood from my penis. But as Brahmbhatt predicted, the very act of flexing simply blurred my boner’s concentration, which is really why this tactic works so well.
Either way, next time you feel your dick shooting for the stars at a funeral or during an important business meeting, go ahead and flex. It’s a weird flex, but it’s okay.