In Shia LaBeouf’s new film, Honey Boy, there’s a scene in which his character, James, ridicules his onscreen son, Otis, for having a dribbling pee stream. A weak piss flow is a sign of a small pisser, he claims.
As James, LaBeouf — who wrote the film based on his own upbringing as a child actor — is playing a fictionalized version of his real-life father, Jeffrey, and the penis-size scene is personal. What’s more, the star has never shied away from dick talk. In 2018, as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live, LeBeouf characterized himself as “a person who’s not extremely well-endowed, who’s kinda insecure about my own junk.”
Of course, he’s not the only guy obsessed with his dick length. At MEL, we’ve fielded so many questions about the topic, it merited its own section: Which parents do you have to thank (or resent) for your package? Do big feet and big hands actually equal big dicks and huge hogs? How do you maximize a short penis length when you’ve got a wide girth? And on and on.
But now there’s a new myth to address: Does the strength of a urine stream indicate anything about penis size?
Does the pitch of pee hitting water denote penis size? from AskReddit
Can you tell the length of a man’s penis by the sound of his pee stream? from NoStupidQuestions
Actually, the two are indirectly linked. According to Alex Shteynshlyuger, director of urology at New York Urology Specialists, a urine stream can tell you something about how long your urethra is — not your penis.
The urethra is the tube connecting the bladder to the penis. Urine and semen travel through it. The bladder muscle (also known as the detrusor muscle) is the force-generator pushing urine through the urethra. If you have a longer penis, Shteynshlyuger says, there’s a longer distance for the urine to travel.
Which means… Daddy LaBeouf has it backward. “A longer urethra slows down the urine flow,” Shteynshlyuger says. Ergo, “a longer penis would lead to a slower urine stream.”
Shteynshlyuger is quick to clarify that the sound of urine hitting a toilet won’t tell you much about your body. Urine stream has no impact on girth, which is (let’s be real) way more important than length.
Penis Size? It’s Not Length That Matters. It’s Time to Talk About Girth
Most importantly, if you’re having trouble with your flow, your prostate might be enlarged. “Other than the strength of bladder muscle contraction, an enlarged prostate is the most important determinant of urine flow strength in men over age 35 to 40,” Shteynshlyuger says.
Think of it like a river. The prostate surrounds the urethra like rocks do a stream. If there are too many rocks, a bottleneck forms. Similarly, if the prostate is enlarged, the urine flow is blocked. After skin cancer, prostate cancer is the second-most-common cancer among American men.
So, Shia LaBeouf, worry not about your dick size. Instead, focus on that slow dribble you had. It might be time to get it checked out.
Joseph Longo
Joseph Longo is a culture and entertainment journalist whose work has appeared in The Associated Press, Entertainment Weekly and more. He's still trying to understand what it means to be a Gemini Rising.
