The Men ‘Lost’ at Sea, Homophobes’ Obsession with Lesbian Porn and Bricks That Are Made of Piss

Fellas, it’s not gay to watch porn with dicks in it. You already rub a dick once, sometimes twice a day — vigorously, no less.

If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say the guys who forsake hetero porn for the lesbian variety because dicks are gay are the same guys who burned their Nike gear because of Colin Kaepernick. Or they’re the same guys who threw out their Keurigs to protest the lamestream media’s treatment of Roy Moore.

Nice self-own, guy. Only watching lesbian porn because you’re afraid you’ll like dicks too much is just as batshit crazy, so you can see where these two demos might overlap.

Some dudes are so dumb.

Must Read

“Going Crazy on the High Seas”
Experts consider commercial shipping to be the second-deadliest industry in the world, trailing only deep-sea fishing, the ocean’s other killer profession. It’s not just occupational accidents that are contributing to that statistic, however. Suicides among the merchant marines is at a whopping 6 percent, far surpassing the U.S. national average. It’s not hard to see why — cramped living quarters, long, grueling hours and a lack of internet access add up to a deadly mental-health crisis that has advocates for seafarers sounding the alarm. READ MORE

Venti Puppuccino, Please

Quick quiz: Which is better for your beautiful floofer that you love dearly and would never feed a bunch of crap — Starbucks’ secret-menu puppuccino, aka a small cup filled with whipped cream, or regular dog food?

If you guessed puppuccino, you’re correct! We’re not kidding — a certified canine nutritionist told us so.

Well, That’s Ironic

What do you do when you’re a homophobe who loves porn? Jerk it to that “lesbian shit,” of course. Makes total sense for these men who are so afraid of dicks they actively tout their stash of girl-on-girl vids as proof they’re not gay.

Home for the Holidays

Here’s some advice you didn’t know you needed: How to mentally prepare for the disparate emotions you’ll experience this holiday, especially if you haven’t been home in a while. No, seriously, you’ll want to do some deep breathing.

Move Over, Keto Diet

Keto is soooo 2018. Next year’s hottest new dieting fad is… not eating much of anything at all!

She Would’ve Wanted Me to Buy a Boat

What are you supposed to do with your partner’s money when they die? Personally, I’d buy a boat — but that’s dumb, and I’m an idiot. Thankfully, Tracy Moore is smart, and she’s got some good ideas about what to do with a dead man’s cash that involve IRAs, Vanguard funds and dodging taxes.

Another Piss-Brick in the Wall

Houses made of piss? Why the hell not, said a bunch of students in Cape Town, South Africa, when they collected urine from urinals in their university’s engineering building and mixed it with sand and bacteria to form bio-bricks that produce zero waste and don’t require kilns for baking.

Oh, and don’t worry — you’ll get used to the thick stench of ammonia that they promise will go away in a few days. At least, you might have to, because if these bricks take off, you might soon be living in the House That Piss Built.

From the Archives…

It is with a heavy heart that we bring you the news that Four Pins, the quasi-defunct men’s streetwear site that found a second life on Twitter, has been de-platformed by the social networking service.

Seven months ago, we wrote about Four Pins and its cult following in media and fashion circles. But what we were really trying to do is get to the heart of the earnest, obsessive, incisive and absurd blog’s most exasperating mystery: Just who the hell was running it?

RIP Four Pins.

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Jeff Gross

Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.