Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Once a week then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and grace us with her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love long, too.
I realize there’s no way to add a significant amount of size to my cock, but is there anyway to make my penis just a tiny bit bigger? Asking for a friend.
I’d like to begin this conversation by stating that there are a lot of unfair expectations and pressures placed on men to have big dicks. But you know what I’ve noticed during my extensive experience with them? That pressure seems to be created and perpetuated by men themselves. Almost all of you are obsessed with your size, and I can tell from questions like yours that the fixation goes all the way down to the millimeter. You want a dick that’s a “tiny bit” bigger? What does that even mean? I swear, if most of you guys had like, six extra molecules of length, you’d be six times as happy.
This is hilarious to me because most people who have sex with men don’t need or desire a hulking, 12-inch dong. Seriously, guys — we’re fine with an average cock. I promise you — I’ve both seen and felt freakishly large penises in my lifetime, and I still prefer an everyday dick. Which is something I had to learn, um, the hard way.
On one of my very first shoots, I was booked with a seasoned performer named Billy Glide. Back then, I wasn’t very discerning about the men I had sex with on set, so I didn’t really research him much before the shoot. Nevertheless, I was feeling pretty good about it — right up until the point that my makeup artist asked if I’d ever worked with him before. The way she asked the question gave me pause; it was like she was trying to warn me or something. “Why, is he weird?” I shot back.
She laughed, and immediately pulled up a photo of Billy and his member. I was shook. It was the biggest dick I’d ever seen. Maybe it was the angle, maybe it was the lighting, but whatever it was, it was scary. I’d seen abnormally long penii before, but I’d never laid eyes on one that thick. The makeup artist was spot-on when she offered a real-life comparison of his girth: “It’s the size of a Coke can.”
I was so nervous that my stomach turned all the way up until the cameras started rolling, but thanks to the miracles of lube and vaginal stretch, I prevailed. I learned I could take a Coke can that day — for almost an hour — and still walk away without a stretcher. But just because it wasn’t too painful, I wouldn’t want that size regularly. I felt very tired afterwards, and like my kitty needed to recover. And while the experience helped me gain a special appreciation for men with huge cocks, I can definitively say that having sex with one wasn’t any better or worse than it is with an average guy. In fact, some of the best sex I’ve ever had has been with a modest cock; not particularly thick or thin, and around five or six inches.
But, if you’re smaller than “modest,” don’t worry. I don’t know a way to add an extra micrometer to your penis, but I do have have a plan for you.
First, stop worrying about the size of your dick and start worrying about what you can do with the rest of your body, namely your mouth. Make sure your pussy-eating skills are top notch — you want to be “that” guy; the guy women can rely on to make them cum over and over by showering their pussies with attention and treating them to the exact kind of pleasure they crave. Study female anatomy, ask your female partners what they like and set yourself up to be so good that it doesn’t even matter whether you have a dick or not. If your partner doesn’t have a pussy, do the same for their cock, ass or whatever other body part gives them pleasure.
Then, get cozy with the idea of toys. Most women — and some men — would love it if you used a vibrator, dildo, butt plug or some sort of BDSM-y item like cuffs or a blindfold on them, so talk to your partners and figure out what other sensations and experiences they might be into. That way, the onus isn’t all on your dick to make them feel good. Next, choose the right position. For some reason, dicks feel a little larger in doggy style (to me, at least), but there may be other positions that give your member a bit more mileage. Either way, make sure to ask your partner what feels best for them.
Lastly, you can try things like extender sleeves and penis pumps, but I can’t, in good faith, promise you they’ll work, especially not permanently. Even if they do, a “tiny” bit of additional length or girth probably isn’t going to make much of a difference, at least not from your partner’s perspective.
My girlfriend is incredibly beautiful, but she’s always putting herself down. She says she’s too fat, that her skin is bad, that she needs to eat less and so on. I don’t agree, but I’m also getting tired of hearing her complain about herself. Why is she doing that? And how am I supposed to respond?
Ahhhh. We’ve all known someone in the throes of major confidence issues, and I bet many of you have been that person yourself. That’s okay, except when it’s not. Constantly broadcasting your insecurities and complaining about yourself to others can be a pretty unattractive quality, and I don’t blame you for being over that negativity. Nor would I blame you if you wanted to leave.
Why? Well, when someone insists they’re undesirable, they inadvertently push people away. Though all they’re looking for is connection, validation and to feel wanted, their put-downs can start to sound like excuses for why you shouldn’t love them. Over time, those excuses start to sound like invitations to believe them, and it can change the way they look or feel to you. Sadly, if she tells you she’s ugly 50 times, there’s a good chance that on the 51st, she might not appear as cute to you as she once did. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, I tell you!
As for how you should respond? I think that’s a question for her. Ask her what she’s looking for from you when she puts herself down like that. Are you supposed to agree? Disagree? Does she want practical advice about diet and exercise? Or does she just want an emotional sponge? Letting her know that you’re confused about how to respond to such negativity might also help her realize the effect it’s having on you.
You can also respond by being a good listener. When she complains to you, really listen to what she’s saying. Ask her why she’s always putting herself down. Would she say those terrible things to anyone else? What’s she gaining by looking at herself with such disdain? Most people who feel insecure are looking for a sounding board to bounce off their anxieties of, so lend her an ear and see if you can get to the bottom of what’s actually bothering her. You might find that there’s something below the surface — something deeper than how she looks — that’s making her feel this way. If she’s open to it, start a dialogue about possible resolutions and problem-solving.
You can also be supportive by doing things together that make her feel good. Are you cooking healthy meals together? Working out together? Encouraging each other to take care of mental health by seeing a therapist or some other healer? These are basic things that could help.
Furthermore, as per usual, meditation, working out (which admittedly, I haven’t done in a month) and self-care are all activities I highly recommend for anyone who’s feeling insecure. My boyfriend and I have been practicing transcendental meditation, and it’s starting to change my life. When I don’t practice, I have bad thoughts and I’m immediately reminded of that “mean” voice that many people have in their heads.
Still, at the end of the day, there’s only so much you can do for someone who feels that negatively about themselves. Confidence has to come from within, and until she learns how to accept and be kind to herself, no amount of outside validation from you or anyone else is going to change how she sees herself.
So if she’s bringing you down and isn’t getting better — and you’ve done everything in your power to try to better the situation — get out. My therapist recently told me, “If your job isn’t working out for you and you’re not thriving, leave. If your relationship isn’t working for you and you’re not happy, leave. There’s no guilt in that. Sometimes things don’t work out and that’s okay.”
The other night I was having a dinner party and two of my friends, who have been dating for a while, snuck into my bedroom and had sex. They weren’t super obvious about it, but you could definitely hear them. It kind of pissed me off, but my other friends laughed it off and told me to be happy for them. Am I the asshole? What are the rules around having sex at your friend’s house?
There are none! How comfortable you are with other people fucking in your house — especially in your boudoir — is completely subjective, and everyone will have a different idea of how okay it is (or isn’t).
If you’re like my girlfriend “Sarah,” you’ll encourage it. You’ll egg couples on and cheer for them while they’re doin’ it in the hot tub! But if you’re like my friend “Cindy,” you’ll cringe and be absolutely sickened by the idea of someone’s liquids dripping all over your stuff. I’ve been on both sides of the equation, so I can empathize with either person.
A quick story for entertainment’s sake: I once had a boyfriend whose parents were super conservative, so conservative that they questioned me dating him in the first place. One Christmas, we went to his childhood home for the holidays (in Kentucky, of all places). I thought it would be a good idea to shoot a blow job video downstairs in our personal bedroom for the stay, a room that just so happened to be the same one he grew up in. Basically, I gave him a sloppy blow-y when his parents left for work, he filmed it and it was great. I didn’t even think twice about whether it was okay. It was our room, so why would it matter?
But thanks to social media and my lack of knowledge around how good some elderly people are at using it, we were caught red-handed. Some creepy uncle of his in Ohio had literally stalked my performer Instagram and then reported his findings to my boyfriend’s religious mother. As soon as we walked upstairs after playtime and showers, his parents were awaiting our arrival, wanting to have a little chat with us about “appropriate” guest behavior. It goes without saying that we didn’t film any more content under their roof.
Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck if someone bangs in my bed or on my furniture, or likewise, cums on my wood floors or squirts on my laundry machine. I wouldn’t necessarily want to sleep in the room without changing the sheets, and I’d obviously want them to clean up afterwards, but ultimately, because of the work I’ve done for so many years, I just don’t mind bodily fluids of any sort. I also understand what it feels like to want to fuck so badly that you can’t wait. Technically, it would have been safer and more polite for that couple to wait until they were home, but, well, nature calls.
In an ideal world, they could have asked you if you were okay with them banging it out in your personal quarters, but let’s be real — not many people have the kind of friendship where they can say, “Hey Greg, nice dinner party you’ve got here, but I need to dick my beautiful wife real fast. Can I borrow your room?” For some people, it’s almost more awkward to ask than to be overheard fooling around, and I bet it would feel equally awkward for you to tell them no.
Anyway, you’re not an asshole. It’s okay that you got a little sensitive because everyone has their own idea of boundaries and personal space, but try not to fixate on it. Unless that couple had sex in your bedroom specifically to piss you off — in which case, go nuclear on them — I’d write it off as a weird moment in your personal history, give your room a good deep cleaning and move on.
Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at firstname.lastname@example.org!