Are Threesomes Better With a Friend or With a Stranger?

And all your other most pressing questions for adult film legend Tasha Reign

Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Bi-weekly then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and provide her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love better, too. 

I’m seeing a new guy who I really like — or at least I thought I did before I learned he refuses to wear a mask to prevent against COVID. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and let him know it’s one of the only ways to curb the transmission, but he won’t listen. Any advice for how I could approach this with him better? Or should I leave him behind? I can’t decide if this is breakup-worthy or not.
This is a tough question. I was at the airport flying to Mexico yesterday, and I saw plenty of people wearing masks the wrong way, taking them off completely and just outright being the outright worst. Truly scary stuff.

I think this topic is breakup-worthy for myriad reasons. The first is that it signals — pretty loudly — that he doesn’t care about others. His own comfort is more important to him than the physical and economic health of his community, and that’s a bona-fide red flag if I ever saw one. If a person doesn’t have empathy for others or care for the community at large — and in turn, the world as a whole — is that really a person you want to be with?

Secondly, it indicates that he’s not all there mentally. I believe attitudes about corona and stopping the spread do correlate with someone’s intellectual level, and more importantly, their desire to save lives and keep our economy moving. If he’s not doing his research — or if he’s resistant to very simple science — then sorry, he just doesn’t seem that smart. 

But before you go and end things, at least try to educate him on why masks are essential. Frame the conversation about the greater good and share some useful facts with him about the virus and why it’s so important to you to take steps to contain it. That said, while you can share data and charts and emotions, at the end of the day, you cannot convince a person to care about others.

COVID isn’t political; it’s scientific. We’re all living in this world together, so the attitude one has toward stopping its spread is important to note. If your boyfriend refuses to do his part and he’s only got himself in mind, then run fast, before you catch the ‘rona, too.

My girlfriend and I really want to have a threesome, but we can’t seem to agree on whether it’s better to do it with someone we know and trust versus a stranger we find on the internet. In your experience, is it better to fuck a friend or someone you might not ever see again?
Well, I can’t say that I’ve ever had sex with a close friend and my S/O, but I can pretty much guarantee that doing so is a bad idea. 

There will be an added element of awkwardness between you and your partner knowing that you’re both attracted to your friend, and jealousy will most likely occur not only during the threesome, but afterwards as well. You may wonder if your partner is more attracted to your friend than to you, which can be particularly disorienting when said friend is someone you spend a lot of time around. Your partner may even think that hooking up with that person alone is comfortable or doable. 

Sex is intimate even if it’s not serious, so just be aware that it can be hard to separate romantic intimacy from friend intimacy once you take it to a sexual place. 

I’m not saying it can’t be done or that there aren’t some friends who would make great threesome partners, but for the majority of people, close friends are just too emotionally entangling. I’d stick to a stranger if I were you, but I have an even better solution than that: Hire an escort. 

Escorts are great because they know what they’re doing and there’s no added emotional element between you that could ruin the relationship. They can help you keep things exciting and fun, all while knowing that, everything ends when the threesome is over. It’s a brief relationship that takes place within a temporary container, which means there’s a far lower chance of jealousy. 

Win-win. 

I wish I could direct you to some sort of website or plug a resource here, but that’s not exactly legal to do these days (thanks, FOSTA/SESTA). Escorting is something that if you want to find, you will (needless to say, it should be more accessible and normalized than it is). Search your area, and try to make a thoughtful choice on who you bring into your home. Also, negotiate your boundaries with your partner and the escort before you have sex. Then you should be good to go. 

Be safe and have fun! 

My girlfriend and I are being pretty good about quarantining, but she keeps going to hang out with her friends. She says it’s outside and she’s staying six feet apart, but it makes me nervous. Since her health is essentially my health (we live together), do I have a right to tell her to stop?
OMG, this sounds like my issue at home. I’m completely aware of COVID, I know that masks are necessary to stop the spread and I know that social distancing is all-important. I don’t want to catch corona, and I don’t want to give it to anyone, either. 

But I’m also much more of a risk-taker than my partner is. I’m way more liberal about the places I go, who I see and the type of in-person contact I’m willing to have, and he’s made it very clear to me that he’s uncomfortable with my definition of “distance.” 

Recently, he subjected me to “The Talk.” Yeah, that one — the one where you lay down the rules and boundaries around your home and what’s okay to do socially during the pandemic. Almost everyone who lives together has had conversations like these since quarantine began, and to be honest with you, they kind of suck. Invariably, you learn that everyone has different ideas about what’s safe and what’s reckless, and that can lead to tension. 

During my little couples’ chat, I learned that while I think it’s okay to have socially distanced close friends in our home, he does not. I want to go protest for BLM; he won’t “let” me. We have many differing opinions around pandemic behavior, and when I saw how differently we saw things, I was a little annoyed. It was upsetting that what I viewed as “safe” had little in common with his extreme beliefs on isolation. We really had to work to understand where each other was coming from. 

But I’m also grateful that we had The Talk because now our boundaries are clear. You really do have to respect your partner’s limits when it comes to health — especially right now — and it’s okay to compromise on your own comforts and whims if it means keeping both of you safe. Personally, I’m willing to be less social and more socially distanced for this strange period of time. My health is my partner’s health and vice versa. It’s important that we realize we’re on the same team, trying to survive and thrive through this together. 

At the same time, no one has to stay with a person who won’t let them leave the house. Nor can you tell your partner what they can and cannot do. You have a right to tell them how you feel and what your boundaries are, but you don’t have a right to enforce them to the point where you’re hurting the other person or driving them insane. 

That’s why I’d urge you and your girlfriend to have “the talk.” It’s similar to the one people have around being monogamous or whether it’s okay to flirt with other people — you sit down together, lay out your case, say what’s comfortable to you and hear your partner out when they do the same. You try to come up with a workable compromise, and while you might lose some personal freedoms in the process, the hope is that you decide on an arrangement in which both of your boundaries around health and safety can be respected. 

Hopefully you can figure out a solution you’re both happy with. If not, that’s okay too. As corona has made painfully clear, life is too short to be miserable.

Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at [email protected]!