It’s the week of Fourth of July. And while we appreciate you being here, we really hope it’s from some stretch of sand or some body of water relaxing enough that your problems can be put on the same kind of ice as the booze in the cooler next to you. If not, throw on your shades anyway, and join us for our weeklong package, “Life’s a Beach,” a celebration of all things sand, sun and summer. Of course, if you’re already on vacation, you’re welcome, too — just be sure to reapply another layer of sunscreen, as these pieces burn bright. Read all of them here.
It’s a Jersey Shore summer, baby. Each weekend I remind myself of the wise words of Ronnie Ortiz-Magro as he departed for the shore in the very first episode of the series back in 2009: “I’m ready to party, get out there, just get filthy, creepy and weird.”
Given the popularity of the show, its characters, its fashion trends and the iconic quotes percolating on TikTok right now, I’m undoubtedly not alone in my desire to bring the antics of J-Shore to the summer of 2022. And how better to live their party lifestyle than to party just as they did? While I’m not down on the New Jersey beach right now, I can at least try to recreate the experience in my Bushwick apartment — by making Ron Ron Juice, of course.
Ron Ron Juice is a cocktail introduced by Ortiz-Magro in the early days of the original Jersey Shore, though it was made all the more iconic when it was revived for 2018’s Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. There, we got to witness Ronnie making the cocktail in greater detail. He shows us a “succular [sic], succulent, voluptuous smooth watermelon” that he blends up with what appears to be an entire bottle of Grey Goose, cranberry juice, ice and blueberries, all in unspecified quantities. Naturally, chaos ensues.
“It’s the first time Ron’s making Ron Ron Juice, and I know now we’re all gonna spiral, because when we have Ron Ron Juice, it reminds me of jungle juice in high school because it tastes so good, and you keep having it and then you wake up on the grass the next day like, ‘What the fuck happened?’” Snooki says in the Family Vacation episode.
“I’ve never seen a night start with Ron Ron Juice, and end well for Ron Ron,” Vinnie concurs.
Truer words — in the episode, Ronnie ends up bringing a car full of random women from the club back to their vacation house to use the hot tub and making out with one of them, despite having a girlfriend.
It’s not Ron’s best look, but it speaks to the powers of Ron Ron Juice just the same. Either way, I knew I had to try it, but since Ronnie has never revealed the precise recipe, I had to source one from the many online attempts to recreate the original. Most recipes call for around four cups of watermelon, one cup cranberry juice, one cup ice, half a cup of blueberries, half a cup of vodka and around half a jar of maraschino cherries. You simply blend it all together, yielding four to six cups of cocktail.
I was somewhat hesitant about this flavor profile. I’m not all that crazy about watermelon, and the addition of maraschino cherries seemed like sugar overload. So, I definitely skipped them. You don’t even see Ron use them in the Family Reunion episode, anyway.
To my surprise, though, the recipe otherwise yielded the perfect summer cocktail. The sweetness of the watermelon was diluted just right amid the ice, cranberry juice, blueberries and vodka, and made the drink feel hydrating above all else. Hold the vodka, and you have a great mocktail for an ultra-hot day.
I kept my Ron Ron Juice journey relatively tame with just one drink — it is a Wednesday, after all. However, there’s evidence from others on TikTok that Ron Ron Juice can indeed make you wild. One viral video with more than 1.6 million views shows a woman starting the night with the drink, and ending it with a $272 Uber charge.
Several others have made Ron Ron Juice tutorials, many of which emphasize how easy it is to keep drinking them without noticing the alcohol. (That can be attributed to all of the fruit.) To that end, I’m guessing the aforementioned $272 Uber bill was mainly due to a cleaning fee from throwing up in the car. Interestingly, though, no one has provided a Ron Ron Juice hangover update.
Hangover or not, the current hype around Ron Ron Juice isn’t just due to the fact that it’s a good cocktail, but that we’re in the midst of a Jersey Shore renaissance. We’re feeling nostalgic for the over-the-top tackiness and the mindless partying that the show documented, and Ron Ron Juice gives our desires a distinct flavor profile. It’s the shore, embodied.
We’ll never get to go back to that pre-iPhone style of reality TV, but we can at least enjoy some of the remaining (literal) fruits of its labor. With Ron Ron Juice, we can really party like it’s 2009.