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Patty Cake, Patty Cake, Don’t Give a Dog a Bone

The good, the bad and the ugly things we learned about our bodies today

Since we started this column back in September, I think I’ve successfully scared you half to death about all the things that could kill you, give you herpes or an uncontrollable case of the runs. It feels like it’s time for a change of pace, so instead of freaking you out about your own body today, how about I freak you out about your dog’s?

The L.A. Times ran a story this morning about an FDA warning regarding bones for dogs — namely, that we’re dummies who’ve been giving them to our furry pets this whole time despite the fact that they’re actually really dangerous. Cases that have been reported to the FDA include owners whose dogs have had blockages, diarrhea, vomiting, bleeding from the rectum and even died.

The focus of the warning is on processed “bones treats,” often labeled as “Ham Bones,” “Pork Femur Bones,” “Rib Bones,” and “Smokey Knuckle Bones,” products that have either been cooked, smoked or dried.

But before you snatch away your dog’s favorite snack, know that not all dog bones are created equal. Some of what you’ll find in your local pet store are perfectly fine, such as any bone that is unprocessed, i.e., raw.

The difference is that raw bones are still full of natural moisture, making them softer. Processed bones are dry, making them brittle and more likely to result in splinters that can do damage to your dog’s digestive system. Not only that, but processed bones are often loaded with preservatives and flavorings that can make your dog sick.

So before you go grabbing that smoky-smelling moose hip for Fido, read the label — it could save your best bud’s life.

Now that Woofy’s taken care of, here’s a few things we learned about our bodies today: