It’s a paradox in the world of sex toys that sometimes the most lovely looking ones feel unremarkable in use, while the most earth-shaking, life-changing toys are ugly as sin. (My all-time favorite vibrator looks like an electric toothbrush invented in the 1800s, so I know of what I speak.)
But once in a while, the planets align and a toy is born that marries good form with good function. The Pepper’s Pamper Massage Wand falls into that category: it’s got a sophisticated aesthetic that’s just as calming as the pleasure the toy can consistently provide. If a TSA agent stopped me at security and pulled this out of my suitcase, I wouldn’t even be embarrassed. Instead, I might exclaim, “Isn’t it cute?!”
What Is a Wand Vibrator, and What Can It Do?
You might already be familiar with wand vibrators like this one, especially if you’ve ever stumbled across a porn clip involving a Hitachi Magic Wand (there are a lot of them). That product is still the best-known wand in the world, to the point that it’s earned the moniker “the Cadillac of vibrators.” But other vibes in this category can be great too, even if they don’t pop up on Pornhub quite as often.
Old-school wand vibes like the Hitachi were originally meant to be used as body massagers, hence the big, rounded head that most of them have. While wands do work wonders on sore, tense muscles, they really shine when repurposed for sex and masturbation — mainly because, in order to de-stress deep muscle tissue, they have to have a super-powerful motor. For people who’ve felt disappointed by the weak output of small, cheap vibrators in the past, a good wand can be a game-changer.
That broad shape also makes wands useful on a wide range of body parts. As opposed to a focused clitoral vibe or a vibrating butt plug, both of which have shapes and sizes designed to hit very particular anatomy, a wand’s big head can deliver a lot of pleasure whether you’re pressing it against a vulva, a penis, a perineum, nipples, balls or pretty much any other external spot you can think of. So if you want to buy a vibe that can stimulate both you and your partner(s) — and I don’t blame you, ‘cause good sex toys can get expensive! — a wand might be your best bet.
My Experience with the Pamper Massage Wand
Pamper is more petite than the Magic Wand, at just over nine inches long. It’s rechargeable, as opposed to using disposable batteries or plugging into the wall, which makes it a lot more convenient for everyday use and for travel.
I also love the simple, elegant aesthetic of the Pamper wand. It’s covered in matte white silicone that feels gorgeously smooth to the touch. Not to mention, it has a subtle but beautiful hourglass shape that’s easy to hold onto, even when my hands are lubey. (Depending on what kind of sensation you’re going for, it’s often a good idea, comfort- and pleasure-wise, to put some water-based lube on the head of your wand before rubbing it on sensitive spots.)
Beyond aesthetics, though, one of the main things setting the Pamper wand apart from other wands is its touch sensor technology. Once you turn the vibe on by holding down the power button for a few seconds, the vibrations don’t start immediately — the toy senses when you’re pressing it against skin and then starts vibrating. This has the advantage of not requiring you to mess with buttons if you need to quickly set the toy down for a sec mid-session — to reapply lube, for instance, or to change positions — and also means you can shut it off in a hurry if someone walks in on you.
I’ve tried a few other vibes that attempted this touch-sensor trick, and most of them started buzzing again if I set them down on my bed, mistaking the mattress for my junk. But this one somehow only responds when it’s actually touching a human body. I don’t quite know how the designers managed that, but it’s really nifty and makes me feel like I’m jerking off in a sci-fi movie.
The vibrations, by the way, are excellent. A toy could have the most advanced touch sensor in the world and still be useless if it had a shitty motor, but the motor in this wand is powerful, rumbly and satisfying. It can’t match a full-size wand like the Hitachi in terms of strength, but its vibration output is impressive for how small it is. With six different vibration patterns to choose from (including one that’s just steady vibration) and three different intensity settings for each, this toy could appeal to vibrator newbies as well as power users alike.
Besides the ghostly way it senses when you’re pressed against it, the other high-tech thing about the Pamper wand is that you control the vibration speed by swiping a finger across another touch sensor on the handle of the toy. The provided instructions were pretty vague on how this works, but I figured it out eventually: There’s a semicircle of dots just below the power button, and you can swipe left across it with your thumb to increase the speed, or swipe right to decrease it. (So, the opposite of how Tinder works, basically.)
On the one hand, I like that this system can be more intuitive in the moment than seeking out a button, especially if you’re using the toy in the dark. But also, as with many touch-based sex-toy technologies, it’s easy to set this one off by accident. I have to be careful not to let my thumb graze that area of the toy at all until I want to switch settings, or I risk harshing my own mellow with a sudden shift in power. Overall, though, it works well most of the time, and being a person who sometimes has chronic pain and strength issues in my hands due to fibromyalgia, I find the swiping motion physically easier to accomplish than pressing a button.
The Pamper wand also has a flexible neck, which I find makes it easier to use for neck and shoulder massage. However, if you like to press hard when you use vibrators, you might not love this feature because the Pamper’s neck bends under pressure.
All in all, the Pamper Massage Wand is a terrific vibe that I think would serve most users well, regardless of sexuality, gender or anatomy. It’s petite but packs a punch, is fairly quiet for a toy this strong and has an aesthetic that doesn’t scream “this goes on your genitals.” If you need (or think you need) a lot of power, you might want to pick up a Magic Wand Rechargeable instead — which, incidentally, costs $20 less than the Pamper — but if the sleek look, small size and touch-sensor capabilities of the Pamper appeal to you, you and this toy will be very happy together.