There are plenty of cocktails that have unusually horny names. Some of them are pretty good, too. It’s not weird to want a Sex on the Beach or a Slippery Nipple, for example. They’re both delicious, they’re on menus nationwide and no one would knock you for pounding one down.
But if you order a Liquid Viagra, I think you’re a fucking psychopath. Nobody is out here assuming a Slippery Nipple actually makes your nipples slippery, but if you request a Liquid Viagra, I have to assume it’s because you believe it has some kind of aphrodisiac properties. There’s no reason to drink one otherwise — it’s a disgusting synthesis of Red Bull and Jägermeister for Christ’s sake.
That said, might you be right? Is there any reason to believe that a Liquid Viagra could help your erection?
For the uninformed, a Liquid Viagra is basically the shooter form of a Jägerbomb. But instead of dropping a shot of Jäger into an entire glass of Red Bull, you pour 1.5 ounces of Red Bull into a three-ounce shooter glass and top it with 1.5 ounces of Jägermeister. At least, I think that’s how it works — quite honestly, the recipes online don’t make sense. Case in point: This CocktailBuilder instructional. “Pour Red Bull into a shot glass,” it instructs. “Add a shot of Jägermeister, including the shot glass, into the Red Bull.”
Bitch, what?
The recipes on HaveaCocktail, DrinkLab, CrystalMixer, Quench and a dozen other cocktail websites all say the same thing.
I’m not sure what to make of this, other than if you’re earnestly trying to make a Liquid Viagra, it must mean you don’t respect yourself. You could drink any other liquor with a Red Bull, and instead, you chose that scariest liqueur known to man.
But again, let’s analyze its boner potential anyway. Is it the Jäger that gives this drink its “Viagra” reputation?
Jäger is technically an herbal liqueur, not a liquor, and it contains over 56 herbs, fruits, roots and spices. Among the most prominent are licorice, citrus peel, ginseng, anise, ginger, juniper berries, poppy seeds and saffron, lending to its absolutely horrific, unholy flavor. Some of those ingredients, however, are touted as aphrodisiacs — there’s even some science to support this, at least in the case of saffron and ginseng. But these supplements have never been studied in the dosage and form of Jägermeister, and so, there’s no reason to believe that taking a shot of alcohol containing saffron and ginseng as two of its 56 ingredients will do much for you.
Even if they did help, the actual problem is in the alcohol itself. At initial intoxicating levels (i.e., one drink), alcohol is a vasodilator, causing the blood vessels to relax and widen. Viagra does the same thing. But after a few drinks, alcohol functions as a vasoconstrictor, causing blood vessels to shrink and tighten. That’s why many people struggle with erectile dysfunction when they’re drunk. In other words: One shot of anything may help you loosen up a bit and achieve boner status, but more than that and you’re in anti-Viagra territory.
It’s the Red Bull element that really throws the whole thing in the trash, though. Maybe — maybe — you could pretend that one shot of Jäger does indeed have slightly more aphrodisiac properties than other liquors. But if you’re taking it with caffeine, you’re fucking the whole thing up — caffeine is a vasoconstrictor, negating any vasodilating effects that one shot may have. After a few drinks, you’ve probably made everything worse for your dick than it would be if you just drank something else, or better yet, nothing at all.
And all for what? To drink something that tastes like sugar-coated ibuprofen melting in your mouth? More than that, why do you need to have a boner at the bar, anyway? If I was at a bar and someone came in and ordered a Liquid Viagra, I’d walk right out. Don’t try to tell me you’re drinking these at home, either. There’s just no way. I don’t buy it.
In conclusion, we need free nationalized health care so everyone who drinks Liquid Viagra can get therapy.
Magdalene Taylor
Magdalene Taylor is a staff writer at MEL. She covers internet culture, sex and the online adult industry. She lives in Brooklyn but is from God's Country, Western Massachusetts.
