When’s the last time you saw pussy? Whether it was years ago or right before you read that question, I’m positive you can remember — such is the impact of a biological miracle. But you may not have realized, when you saw it, that this would be your final glimpse of pussy for a long, long time. In the midst of abundance, it is all too easy to forget what deprivation is like.
So it’s essential, when you sense a dry spell coming up, to savor the pussy as you would a beautiful sunset. Or as a smiling Paul Walker regards Vin Diesel at the end of Furious 7, to the heartfelt strains of “See You Again” by Whiz Khalifa (ft. Charlie Puth). Yeah, that’s better.
You’ll note straight away that a fond farewell to pussy often coincides with the release of a deeply engrossing, profoundly nerdy video game. Access to the sexual organ when you’re trying to master a digital fantasy world is doubly denied — not only are you too mentally and physically engaged with a machine to have sex, but someone with a pussy witnessing you in this state has little incentive to disrobe. You might not realize they’re standing there in a matching lingerie set. Why should they bother? Yet the “last look” anticipates this disconnect with a warm, knowing smile. You can’t always have pussy, Walker’s face suggests. Enjoy it while you can.
Naturally, gaming isn’t the only obstacle you might place between yourself and a theoretical buffet of pussy. There are Marvel movies, heavy metal bands and non-fungible tokens to consider. Significant attachment to any one of these cultural products — barring a relationship with a partner who shares that interest — has a way of precluding intimate encounters with pussy. It’s not that you’ll never experience it again, but it’s important to acknowledge that you’re consciously making the choice to separate for a while, to pursue other, pussy-repelling interests. One cannot live on pussy alone, no more than you could make another Fast and the Furious movie with just Vin Diesel’s smirking reaction shots. He has to react to new and different stuff.
Or maybe, since this image shows Paul Walker beaming at us, the viewers, we are the exalted, fleeting pussy. It’s nice to bask in his attention even as we realize he is taking his leave, going his own way. A glowing instant of gratitude for what cannot last, and wasn’t meant to. This presence, the fullness of this pause, is everything. Truly, where would any of us be if not for pussy? Wheeling nonexistent through a barren universe. Pussy is the reason you have the chance to waste your life on dork-ass hobbies in the first place. You could at least say goodbye.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
