Steve, a 35-year-old marketing strategist from New Jersey, seriously considers the question of what constitutes good pussy. “It can mean so many things — look, feel and the person it belongs to — but when it comes to penetrative intercourse, it’s about fit,” he tells me. “I still think about the best fit I’ve ever had.” He adds that he’s noticed that the way a vagina fits his penis can change over time. “At the beginning of my relationship with my wife, it was good but not great,” he continues. “But now it’s wonderful! I guess it’s a physical representation of our growing love for one another, even though it’s crass to think of her in those terms.”
The phrase “good pussy” is everywhere these days. Whether it’s Cardi B spitting the line “Pussy so good I say my own name during sex” or the #goodpussyproblems tag on Instagram, it’s become the brag du jour among (mostly) young women online and a heartfelt compliment men and others dish out about their pussy-having lovers. But what does it actually mean? Is good pussy about wetness, tightness or appearance? It is less about the pussy itself, and more about how the person uses it during sex? Or can it even extend to more cerebral qualities, such as the personality of the person whose pussy is being praised?
Pussy so good, left a Yelp review
— Kaine?? (@killcxli) April 1, 2019
You ever had some pussy so good shit untie your du rag ? ??
— Demwayz (@LowkeyMarTv) April 3, 2019
In order to get to the bottom of this pressing dilemma, I spoke to 30 men and two queer women about what they mean when they say “good pussy.” Upon doing so, it becomes immediately apparent that good pussy means different things to different people, and no clear consensus arises. Certain themes, however, do recur.
One such theme, for better or worse, is tightness. “‘Good pussy’ is a mixture of a bunch of things, but the most important quality, at least to average sized dick havers like myself, is tightness,” explains Michael, a 32-year-old strategic analyst from Cleveland. “Women can make up for it in other ways if they’re not naturally tight. For example, if they’re really good on top, it can still be awesome, and there are some positions, mostly involving their legs being close together, that produce a tighter effect.”
Joe, a 47-year-old Texan working in IT, agrees that grip is an important factor — “For intercourse, from a sensation perspective, I’d say tight like a firm handshake, but no tighter — and for Martin, a 29-year-old stay-at-home dad in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, control of the vagina is key: “My wife, for instance, can clench hers tightly, and also contract it in such a way that it feels like she’s either drawing me in or pushing me out.”
The male obsession with tight vaginas is famed and somewhat unfortunate. It’s closely bound up with the myth that having lots of sex loosens a vagina — i.e., that slutty women are “loose” — and considering the fact that anxiety makes the vaginal musculature clench tightly, men are liable to mistake an unhappy, tense partner for someone with a “tight pussy.” “‘Tight’ versus ‘loose’ is probably some misogynist bullshit myth,” says Trevor, a marketing executive in his 30s in New York. “Anecdotally, I’ve never encountered a loose pussy, and can’t think of anyone whose opinion I trust that says they have.” Two other men echoed this sentiment. However, vaginas are all different shapes and sizes, and as Steve suggests, there may be certain “fits” that feel better for certain penises. Tightness, control or fit, then, do appear to be subjective aspects of good pussy.
The second, more commonly cited physical characteristic of good pussy is wetness. “Warm and wet” are adjectives I often hear used in combination, and Joe even goes as far as to specify his desired viscosity — “Not watery wet, but more of a slick wetness.” Some men note that a wet vagina is a good sign that their partners are enjoying themselves. “If I had to distill my own impression of what the phrase ‘good pussy’ would mean, I’d substitute it for ‘enthusiasm,’” Trevor explains. “Enthusiasm probably sits somewhere between ‘ability to fuck’ and ‘wetness,’ as both an emotional and physiological expression of being into it.”
On top of that, a few men noted that good pussy is well-groomed and tastes and smells inoffensive. “One big factor that separates one pussy from another one is how it tastes,” Greg, a 30-year-old software worker from Alabama, tells me. “If the pussy taste good, neutral or even somewhat pussyish, I can roll with that. But a bad smelling or tasting pussy is pretty bad.”
It’s worth noting, at this stage, an important point: Women are bone tired of having their body parts analyzed in terms of how much sexual arousal they cause men. (“Women” and “people who have vaginas” aren’t mutually inclusive categories, of course, but there’s a large overlap between the two groups.) Women face constant, relentless pressure to be sexually attractive to men and having their body parts carved up and scrutinized for desirability on a daily basis is dehumanizing and causes significant harm. Women already bear witness to male banter about “perfect tits” and “round asses,” taking careful note of the ways in which they fall short on each front, and “good pussy” can feel like yet another impossible physical standard women are expected to meet — set by men who are, meanwhile, barely even brushing their teeth or washing their asses and dicks.
It may be some minor consolation to these women, though, to hear that good pussy often isn’t about the physical organ at all. Time and again, men tell me they use the phrase to describe a confident, enthusiastic and open-minded lover, or someone with whom they have strong sexual chemistry. “I’d say that the phrase means a good fuck, which to me would mean fun, into it and expressive,” Joe explains. Whereas for Greg, it’s a kind of physical prowess or exertion that makes all the difference. “Some women, just like men, aren’t into doing much in the bedroom, and they’ll just kinda lay there,” he says. “But the women that truly fuck with their pussy? They really stand out.”
Finally, several men volunteer to me that other men who use the phrase “good pussy” are showy and largely full of shit. “It refers to overall fuck enjoyability — however, a small subset of guys pretend to mean it literally,” says Fred, a 31-year-old retail worker in Pennsylvania. “This is a way to show off that they’re so experienced and great in bed that they can tell the difference between individual pussies.”
Sunny, a 26-year-old software developer in New York, is similarly skeptical about how men use the phrase. “I truly don’t think we’re discerning enough to distinguish ‘good pussy’ and ‘pussy attached to this hot person,’” he tells me. “It’s an extension of how attracted you are to your partner. The ways men talk and think about sex are extremely fraught and contradictory.”
Madeleine Holden
Madeleine Holden is a lawyer and freelance writer based between Berlin and New Zealand. She writes about relationships, sex, gender and whatever the hell else she feels like for MEL.
