It’s not hard to take down someone like conservative Judicial Watch president and Trump ass-kisser Tom Fitton. But yesterday, a burn to his idiotic tweet about abortion came from an unexpected account: Lake Superior.
Like Sweden’s Twitter account, which turned into a master class in shitposting during its run, Lake Superior has been using power for good by calling out conservatives who don’t respect people’s reproductive rights. When the account tweeted, “This lake vehemently stands with women having the right to choose,” Fitton — unhappy the Greatest Lake didn’t share his damaging views on abortion — decided to respond with a quote-tweet: “Water is wet and abortion kills a human being.”
When you’re Lake Superior, your comeback Tweet has to hit a certain standard — “superior” is in the name, anyway. Luckily, the account for the largest of the Great Lakes sank Fitton with its reply: “Thomas, not even your first talking point is correct. Water is not wet, what water touches is wet. I’m confident I have a lot more experience in making things wet than you do.”
So Lake Superior may have 10 percent of the world’s surface fresh water, but it now has 100 percent of Fitton’s ego. He has yet to respond, but the whole ordeal is giving me deja vu to that time Ben Shapiro was self-owned after tweeting that women with WAPs must need medical care.
Fitton, however, wasn’t the only one who was miffed by Lake Superior’s tweet about supporting a woman’s reproductive autonomy and opposing forced birth.
When someone replied saying, “I’ve peed in you and I’ll do it again,” Lake Superior also had a comeback for that. The account linked back to a previous tweet — a reply to someone who was showing support to the lake and apologizing for peeing in it — in which they wrote, “Oh sweetheart, it’s ok, I dilute urine fast! Humans produce ~250 mls of urine per pee, or about 1/20th of a gallon. I myself have 3,000,000,000,000,000 (3 quadrillion) gallons of water. If every human on earth peed in me at once, it would be 1/6,000,000th of my volume.”
It just goes to show, if you’re tweeting absolute nonsense about a Supreme Court ruling that will be devastating to millions of people, you absolutely deserve to get owned by a lake.
Tatiana Tenreyro
Tatiana Tenreyro is a contributing writer at MEL and has written for the A.V. Club and SPIN, living the dream of every plaid-shirted boy she had a crush on in high school.
