J.D. Vance, venture capitalist and author of the detestable memoir Hillbilly Elegy, last year told a Catholic magazine that he would support an “outright ban” on pornography in America, blaming it (along with abortion) for a host of social ills. Were he just another shitty loudmouth Republican, this resurfaced comment wouldn’t matter. But as of a few weeks ago, Vance is the GOP nominee for an Ohio Senate seat in a midterm election that promises to be vicious.
Vance’s Democratic opponent in that race, Rep. Tim Ryan, has attacked him as a wealthy Silicon Valley elite who cares more about his own celebrity than the people of the state. But if Ryan wants to win — and most observers think he faces an uphill battle in that regard — he needs to immediately switch gears and hit the anti-porn thing hard. Bury this smug asshole in his own puritanism. Become a hero for masturbators everywhere. Ohio voters may be trending more conservative of late; even so, I doubt that many of them are willing to give up their smut.
It’s more than fair to call out Vance’s hypocrisy. How can any rational person believe that cracking down on porn would do more for families than implementing basic gun control? And what about the personal freedoms that his party claims to hold so dear? This, however, is no longer an effective campaign strategy — if indeed it ever was. The post-Trump class of right-wing politicians embrace contradiction and paradox, saying whatever suits them in the moment and brushing off charges of inconsistency. Democrats should instead start fear-mongering about a Republican dystopia in which you face jail time for possession of a nudie mag or watching erotic content. Because something tells me that the men who want abortion outlawed and every immigrant deported also believe in the sanctity of spank sessions.
Fact is, the GOP fought a war on porn some decades ago, and lost resoundingly. If they want to try again in the age of limitless free streaming sex, we should gladly meet them on those terms. It’s the 21st century — nobody wants to go back to sadly tugging themselves off while looking at an old photo of their ex. Although maybe that’s Vance’s go-to method? Show him doing it in an ad, with scary voiceover re: the end of anal scenes, MILF gangbangs and hentai and see if he doesn’t fall out of favor. Trump would drop his support in a heartbeat. And then you could bring out the slippery slope arguments. What will they target next? Strip clubs? Cheerleaders at football games? Video games with scantily clad babes? This freak wants to get rid of them all!
The U.S. consumes more porn than any other country. It’s our culture. And whoever tries to challenge this reality is bound to fail. Don’t let a morally bankrupt opportunist like Vance walk back any suggestion, however casual, that he wants to eliminate on-demand adult video. Make him into the anti-porn candidate. The rest should be almost as easy as busting a nut.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
