In 2018, a longtime poster on a popular incel forum announced an unprecedented new milestone in his life — something that would leave ripples in the online mythology of the “involuntarily celibate,” and spark debate about the true destiny of lonely “blackpilled” men everywhere.
As he had discussed in previous forum threads, the poster dubbed “itsOVER” went through with a plan to move from the U.K. to Thailand and ascend from inceldom through a baptism of easily secured sex. The results, he claimed, were clear: “Stayed in Thailand for 22 days. Fucked 10 girls including two 17 year old JB’s, none of them hookers. Here’s how you can do it too…,” he posted in March 2018.
For most non-incels, the story of an average looking young white man going to Southeast Asia, joining Tinder and cycling through hookups — including bragging about “jailbait” teenagers — is less a heroic tale and more rudimentary cringe, given the long history of exploitative “sexual tourism” that is so common in the region. But within the major-depressive depths of incel communities online, the trials and tribulations of itsOVER are an endless point of curiosity, with commenters continuing to seek updates and debating the merits of this random British man in 2022.
For better and worse, he’s become a mythical figure for breaking through the hopeless destiny of an incel — even if there’s evidence that itsOVER was never a real incel, and in fact had multiple girlfriends and sexual relationships before ever leaving for Thailand. More than anything, it illustrates the odd contradictions that define inceldom in America, and how aggrieved young men find ways to victimize and hate themselves, lean into ideals that justify this perceived loneliness and suffering, and then seek “revenge” in strangely counterproductive ways.
ItsOVER’s game plan is laid out in a lengthy post that describes the basics of hooking up in Thailand as a foreigner: where to stay, how to get a new SIM card, what apps to use, how to broach conversations. He includes photos of the women he met and screenshots of his conversations with them, which read as run-of-the-mill small talk.
Immediately, the post led to a round of congratulations, with people remarking on how detailed his Thailand guide is, and wondering whether they could achieve the same. “I’d love to LTR [long-term relationship] them. God damn, good job bro,” one wrote.
“This was enlightening and depressing at the same time,” another added.
But more fascinating than the plaudits were the cynical takes, including those that woefully criticized how privileged itsOVER actually is. Some wondered how he paid for it — a popular rumor is that he racked up credit card debt, saved his cash and bailed from the U.K. to run from collections. More posters pointed to his appearance, claiming that he’s actually rather “average” looking and that his success is just more proof that “JBW,” or the “Just Be White” theory, really exists in inceldom. “Just be white theory proven again… JFL at whitecels thinking we ethnicels are even on the same plane of existence,” one person wrote.
“I’d get a 1,000 questions and a rock star treatment everywhere I went in [the Philippines], from everyone because I was really tall and white,” another quipped. “Keep in mind I’m incel as fuck in the USA, and I can’t even get a fat piece of shit here.”
“You are actually good looking. Like a 5.5 while smileing [sic] with teeth. Wtf. You look in your recent pics much more bloaty and fat. Pls ban this fakecel,” yet another poster observed.
Nonetheless, itsOVER’s legend kept growing in 2018, with other appreciation threads popping up and even a claim, from itsOVER himself, that he had gotten multiple girlfriends pregnant. He started his own Discord server to spread the gospel of incel “ascension” through “SEAmaxxing,” slang for “maxing” sexual opportunities via Southeast Asia. He joked that he was staying with each girlfriend for “six months” so that she “can’t abort,” in some odd desire to sow his seed and bail. He even claimed that he wanted his “hapa” (i.e., mixed-race) kids to “go ER,” a reference to the Isla Vista mass shooter Elliot Rodger.
Through it all, observers kept checking in, wondering whatever happened to the white incel prince of Thailand. They continue to share his story as “lifefuel” and actionable advice, with references to “itsOVER” popping up on Reddit, in incel content and new posts on his old thread.
But he also remains as controversial as ever, serving as glowing proof to some that white supremacy exists in a biased landscape of sexual attraction, and that hierarchies are key to understanding oppression of incel men — as so-called “currycels” and “ethnicels” have noted, racism is a frequent feature of incel discourse. Then there’s the debate about itsOVER’s looks. Many claim he’s a “fakecel,” casting doubt on his origin tale and pointing out that they couldn’t get nearly as far, based on their lack of financial resources, social anxiety and perceived ugliness.
“This site is a complete joke at this point,” one poster wrote on the original 2018 thread. “This dude looks like a (maybe low-tier) normie JFL @ this whole forum.” (ItsOVER’s response: “Right, and if you’re a low tier normie, you’re getting SWEET FUCK ALL in the west. Plus I’m 170cm tall.”)
Is a “low-tier normie” really an incel? How many incels are actually just low-tier normies? Is normie-ness defined by, as some claim, “face” traits? Or is it about their physique? Or is spitting game and having a personality the most important thing of all? These debates wind round and round in incel communities, navigating tragically close to the event horizon of self-awareness yet veering away at the last minute. But to the point of the critics, itsOVER even posted on the “aesthetics”/workout site Lookmax about how, even before his Thailand escapade, he had not only had sex, but had girlfriends.
No wonder that there’s such a ferocious suspicion of “fakecels,” and the sense that perfectly lovable people are sucking up support and air from men who actually need it. But the overall discourse is painfully ironic: Here we see a community celebrating a mediocre white man who flew halfway across the world to cultivate a handful of sexual relationships, then arguing about whether it can be replicated for themselves, all while they sit online and feed their own sense of despair and mediocrity.
But this makes sense in their framework: Incels are obsessed with ranking each others’ appearance, merits and traits, believing there is a hard science to sexual achievement. They’re often so obsessed with the minutae of male attractiveness that, if you squint, it all seems vaguely homoerotic. All this belief in hierarchy leads them straight into a depressingly zero-sum view of human romance, and forces them to justify their loneliness by playing the Oppression Olympics, searching for “true” incels in a sea of men they claim are just weak and in their head.
There’s no doubt there are real reasons — material, mental or otherwise — that young men lose faith that they can find love in a marketplace that can feel increasingly cruel and isolating. The rise of social media, complete with an endless flow of unrealistic portrayals of perfect lifestyles, has sharpened a sense that only “Chads” can win in this culture. Experts on masculinity continue to stress how social factors are worsening young men’s sense of achievement. There is a lack of structure on how to become the “man” people want and respect, but incels also feel little allyship with women themselves, using warped interpretations of feminism to blame all women for supposedly being driven by desires they cannot satisfy.
It’s all couched in reactionary politics that appeal to the sense that things used to be better, when society was regimented and men were entitled to, among other things, female adoration. For the loudest incels online, so much of life boils down to an ugly mindset of scarcity and competition, illustrating how the real pressures of capitalism and modern society, plus painful confusion about how to “be a man,” leads to the most depressing conclusions about “ugly” men’s place in the world.
The legend of itsOVER, amid all this, is a mirror that reflects the complexities of an ideology that’s often mocked and misunderstood. For all the talk about incel “support” online, there is as much, if not more, division, suspicion, denigrating put-downs and suicidal self-hatred that’s spread in these groups. Ironically, itsOVER himself was warned by forum moderators for “bragging,” and was ultimately banned from Incels.me for unspecified reasons.
Nowadays, some say that he’s still on Discord, giving advice to a handful of close associates. Many have asked for access to his chat server online, with no response. Perhaps itsOVER is lying low. Perhaps he went to Colombia to hook up with more women. Perhaps he’s found peace.
On paper, there’s little wrong with traveling to another country, wondering if you’ll find a love story that feels right. But how much of this “success” is really true? How much is an insecure illusion? So far, the tale of itsOVER is just another sad, extensive chapter in the history of aggrieved young men with a desire to win by any means necessary. For some incels, it remains more engrossing to debate the merits of a white kid who got laid in Thailand than it is to believe, and cultivate, their own self-worth and esteem.
One 2019 forum thread paints the scene perfectly. “Incels should just focus on saving some money and move to SEA. If a 5’6”’ manlet with 11yo girl frame can do it, I believe there’s hope for whitecels. you gotta stay positive,” one fan wrote.
“Looks like a fakecel to me,” another replied. “Good luck with raising those kids lol.”
Eddie Kim
Eddie Kim is a features writer based in Los Angeles, covering social and cultural issues for MEL.
