György Szűcs knows a lot about dicks.
The 28-year-old Hungarian is the creator of Dick Code — essentially a deconstructed artist’s rendering of your cock and balls created by selecting a dozen or so illustrations that most accurately represent what you’re working with. A code is then created that you can send to someone. When they click on the code, a page opens that says: “This is my dick,” with all of your selections marked in red. Essentially, it’s a playful, (slightly more) SFW alternative to sending dick pics.
When I last spoke with Szűcs in April, 190,000 guys had created a dick code. Now, nine months later, that number is around 2 million, with eight countries — the U.S., Brazil, Germany, Italy, the U.K., Kenya, Canada and France — submitting more than 200,000 each.
The result is a comprehensive — if decidedly unscientific — compendium of worldwide dick traits. Bear in mind, though, this is all based on self-reported data. To wit, as I learned observing the first FDA-approved penis implant surgery, the average erect penis is, in fact, just over 5 inches long and 4.5 inches thick. Dick Code, however, would have us believe the average is actually an inch longer and thicker.
Nevertheless, 2 million dicks is still 2 million dicks. And so, here are five of the most interesting findings from the data….
True to stereotypes, the biggest dicks come from Kenya and Nigeria — at an average length of 6.8 inches.
Sweden, Denmark and Italy round out the top five. Asians have the smallest dicks (Philippines, Singapore and Malaysia round out the bottom — 5.5 inches), while American dicks (6.4 inches) are unremarkably average. “Size is important,” Szűcs says, “but there’s so much more to a dick than size.”
Like contour, for example. (Though it turns out most dicks curve alike.)
Surprisingly, the data showed that worldwide, the range of dick curvature is roughly the same. Except the Kenyans, that is. “Their curve isn’t pointing upward like the rest of the world,” says Szűcs. “I’m guessing that’s because of gravity and the long dick.” (Incidentally, I couldn’t find any data suggesting longer dicks curve less.)
Religious countries dig circumcision.
Saudi Arabia, Turkey and Egypt are the most circumsized, while Norway and Eastern Europe are the least. “How the skin looks on the dick when it’s fully erect varies greatly from guy to guy,” Szűcs told me in April. “I intentionally didn’t give a description because I want people to use their minds and select the image that most resembled their dick.” Of the uncut cocks, South Africa, New Zealand and India have the most foreskin.
Asian guys have the most pubes.
“There are so many different types of body and pubic hair,” Szűcs notes, “from length to how scattered it is, to thickness, and color.” Surprisingly (at least to me), seven out of the 10 countries with the most public hair — Taiwan, Thailand, China, Malaysia, Philippines, Japan and Singapore — are from Asia.
Israelis shoot the most cum. Americans, not so much.
“I’m very interested in the coming part,” Szűcs told me back in April. “How it shoots, how many times, the duration .” Which presumably explains why Dick Code offers nine selections to most accurately categorize your shot. Israelis are veritable cum cannons, shooting nearly five times, while Americans — and their lethargic ejaculate — shoot the least. “I’m not surprised by that,” Szűcs says with a sigh. “I’ve been to the U.S. a few times and am always disappointed.”
C. Brian Smith
C. Brian Smith writes hard-hitting gonzo features for MEL, whether it be training with a masturbation coach, receiving psycho corporal treatment from a spank therapist, or embarking on a week-long pleasure cruise with 75 Santa Clauses following their busy season.
