Imagine your penis on a hot beach sipping a Mai Tai out of a coconut with a tropical umbrella. Your member is already a bit swole today, thanks to the steamy air and blazing sun, also known as summer penis. But as the muggy breeze drifts across your schlong, and the realities of vacation, zero responsibility and chill finally sink in, your peen exhales, expanding even more than before, making it officially the biggest and definitely the most relaxed penis you’ve ever owned. You’ve just experienced summer penis on vacation, also known as vacation penis.
“‘Vacation penis’ is definitely possible, as long as the vacation is in a warm locale,” urologist Dudley Danoff, author of the Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health and the urologist who first confirmed summer penis, writes via email. “Heat causes the veins to widen and increases blood flow to a man’s favorite body part, analogous to the ‘weatherman’s Viagra.’ This will result in a firmer, longer-lasting erection.”
It’s hard to imagine a time when we didn’t know summer penis was a thing, back when we were naïve and thought the earth was flat and penises actually stayed the same size year round. I guess everybody has to grow up eventually, including your dick, which, as we confirmed and coined last year, happens to do that all by itself between the months of June and August.
Summer penis, need we remind you, is a seasonal dick fluctuation wherein warm conditions typical of the summer months bring a swell of pleasure and pride to the peen, giving many men the sense that they’ve expanded. In reality, warmth causes blood vessels to dilate, filling the penis to the max.
Now summer penis is in the (warm) water, and it hasn’t experienced any kind of shrinkage. Just this week, in fact, Huffington Post investigated summer penis all over again and found it to still exist. The fascination with summer penis is totally understandable. After all, jelqing and other hog-embiggening strategies that cost too much (and rarely work) are standard-issue dude territory and have been for ages.
Learning that there was a way to get a slightly bigger dick all along must’ve stung for a lot of men — especially those in frigid locales. It probably all still seems too good to be true, like how after swimming in the ocean, you’ll find that minor scrapes and cuts, even acne, seem to have completely healed from the sea water.
But summer penis isn’t only real, it’s even better on vacation. Think of it as your summer penis wearing a really great shirt. You’ve already got a bigger dick, and there’s no better time to show it off than vacation, when at least in theory, you should be having more sex anyway.
So take that summer penis on vacation pronto and go to town with it. Summer Penis Town. Vacation Town. Summer Penis Vacation Town.
Don’t forget to send us a postcard.