This is your 24-hour warning: If you haven’t already, go to the stationary store, swing by the flower shop or start dialing, because tomorrow is Mother’s Day and you don’t want to be the schlemiel who didn’t make their mom — or the mother in their life — feel like the special lady she is.
If you do get caught with your metaphorical pants down, your last line of defense might be emailing, texting or whipping out your phone and reading her one of our stories of the week, which you’ll find below. They’re that good.
Oh, and say hi to mom for us.
The Great Disappearing Act of the ‘Most Downloaded Woman in the World’
MEL contributor Tierney Finster looks at the life and times of Danni Ashe, the porn star who pioneered selling her image on the internet and became the “Most Downloaded Woman in the World” in the process. But at the height of her online fame, she vanished from the web almost completely, and has left few digital footprints since. READ MORE
Why Some Women Don’t Masturbate
Some women masturbate. Some women don’t. Women who really don’t, and really don’t want to, and are getting off somewhere else, or are otherwise satisfied with their sexual interest, don’t need to. And even in this sex-positive, pornified world, as MEL staffer Tracy Moore writes, they shouldn’t be ashamed of that fact. READ MORE
Another One Rides the Bus: My Two-Week Adventure Following ‘Weird Al’ Around the Country Via Greyhound
Writer Nathan Rabin chronicles every nostalgic, transcendent and intense moment spent following personal hero “Weird Al” Yankovic from show to show on the latter’s Ridiculously Self-Indulgent, Ill-Advised Vanity Tour. READ MORE
Which Keanu is the Best Keanu?
Bodacious news, everyone: The third Bill & Ted film, Bill & Ted Face the Music, is in pre-production. And because the prospect of getting even one more patented Keanu “whoa” is what gets us out of bed in the morning, the MEL staff decided to gather ‘round and highlight all the ways we love our memelord, Keanu Reeves. READ MORE
Incels Don’t Have a Name for Guys Like Me
The online community of incels — “involuntarily celibate” men — aim their rage primarily at the women who reject them, but also at men they call “Chads.” Chads are guys who get all the girls and/or look like guys who get all the girls. MEL staffer Miles Klee is gawky, and yet, he’s got a great jawline and is in a long-term relationship. So what would incels call him? READ MORE
Why Millennial Men Don’t Go to Therapy
Gendered stigmas around mental health mean that millennials, the most depressed generation of men, won’t get help — despite having more access to therapy than ever. READ MORE
The Sad, Strange Life and Death of Devonte Hart: The Crying Black Boy Who Famously Hugged a Cop
After the tragedy of Ferguson, a viral photo taken at a Black Lives Matter protest turned then 12-year-old Devonte Hart into the symbol of a post-racial America. But his murder — at the hands of his adoptive white mother — shows how fleeting and elusive that idea really was. READ MORE
Elon Musk and Grimes Is the Nightmare Couple We Deserve
You did this. We did this. That’s Miles Klee’s argument at least — that the groundwork for the Most 2018 Romance was created by all of us months, if not years, ago. And he’s got the Twitter posts, doctoral theses and socialist manifestos to prove it. READ MORE
What to Bring on a ‘Dick Appointment’
Hooking up soon? Like the Scouts say, “Be Prepared.” Contributor merritt k put together the ultimate hookup kit from items that you can find at any neighborhood bodega that’s on the way to her place. And based off the snacks, refreshments and sex supplies she compiled — thanks to her status as a consummate “Chad” and the dozens of women she asked on Twitter — it won’t disappoint. READ MORE
The Most Important Farting Case Law on the Books
Recently, after an 18-day trial in Melbourne, Australia, which included more than a dozen witnesses, a court declared that farting doesn’t constitute workplace bullying. But this wasn’t the first time passed gas has wafted its way into the courtroom. There’s actually ample flatulence case law. READ MORE
Jeff Gross
Jeff Gross is MEL’s senior editor for social media and content marketing. His daily ICYMI column, which chronicles all things meta on the site, is the quickest way to catch up on MEL, and the funniest thing you’ll read all day. Follow him on Twitter.
