For decades, English-speaking tourists have made pilgrimages from around the world to visit a tiny, Austrian village once known as Fucking. No doubt chuckling the entire time, pranksters have stolen the town’s official road sign on countless occasions (at one point it had to be chained to the ground), whereas local residents have long complained about having to shrug off constant, shitty jokes made by visitors. In late 2020, frustrated citizens rallied together to campaign for an official name change. They succeeded, and soon afterwards, the local mayor announced that Fucking would now be known as Fugging, although the nearby Oberfucking and Unterfucking still exist in Austria.
The world has long been full of hilariously filthy geographical names. In the small English village I grew up in, I was just a stone’s throw away from Butt Hole Road. Meanwhile, Pennsylvania has enough horny place names for a tongue-in-cheek road trip –– start in Virginville, and speed through Intercourse and Pleasureville before finally checking in for a peaceful night’s sleep in Climax.
Geotechnologist and self-described “map addict” Gary Gale did the lord’s work back in 2013 when he scoured the globe to create his regularly updated map of “Vaguely Rude Places.” In the process, he uncovered hidden gems, including Cum Cum Hill (Hatfield, U.K.), Kitchen Dick Road (Washington, U.S.), Bonar Bridge (Scotland, U.K.) and the infamous Glory Hole Recreation Area in California. In the name of journalistic rigor, I put out a call for more suggestions on Twitter, and I wasn’t disappointed –– from New York’s Seamen Avenue (which, incidentally, intersects with Cumming Street) to a Canadian village known as Dildo, it’s clear the globe has plenty of ammunition for filthy-minded pranksters to work with.
Tracking down the origins of these names proves more difficult, though. Who the hell gets to decide what something is called? Are there bunches of bureaucrats in suits stifling laughter as they approve names like Horneytown and Knob Lick?
Well, kinda. In America, proposals for new place names can be submitted to the United States Geological Survey (USGS) for approval. Established way back in 1879, the survey’s staff initially started out with no strict guidelines on what should be approved and what shouldn’t. That’s changed over the last century or so, though –– when I reach out for more information, a Director of Public Relations named Alex points me kindly in the direction of a hulking, 84-page document full of naming rules and regulations. The booklet explains that name changes can be passed if existing names are deemed offensive, but ultimately the dry, bureaucratic language leaves me with more questions than answers.
For example, what would stop the average U.S. citizen from proposing filthy names that don’t yet officially exist, like Cock Splash Peak, Pussy Point or Cum Creek? There’s a policy for “Derogatory or Offensive Names” which has been used in the past to change names that include racial slurs, however, and the policy outlaws names that are offensive to “racial or ethnic groups, genders or religious groups.” But what about proposed names that are just straight-up horny? I eagerly seek more salacious details from Alex, but alas, he didn’t reply to my NSFW inquiries.
Still, a quick flip through the Geographic Names Information System yields some pretty hilarious results: Whiskey Dick Mountain, Lake Cock and Pussy Willow Wash are just a few highlights. Seemingly, you can submit whatever name you like as long as you don’t use any explicit cuss words –– no doubt a glimmer of hope for smutty pranksters across the U.S.
Especially in the mountains, plenty of geographic names are commemorative in nature. Mollie’s Nipple in Utah is exemplary –– there are currently seven buttes (a butte is a hill with steep sides and a flat top) known as Molly’s (or Mollie’s) Nipple in Utah alone, all of which are unique, unconnected buttes. Four more Utah buttes are named Mary’s Nipple. The origins of this naming are hard to pin down, but there are theories online that an explorer named John Kitchen gave the name “Mollie’s Nipple” to a few buttes in honor of his wife, Mollie Kitchen.
Commemorative names aside, it seems plenty of explorers simply chose names based on the fact that some hills and mountains bear resemblance to the bountiful curves of big naturals. The likes of Sheba’s Breasts (in Eswatini, Africa), Les Trois Tetons (“The Three Tits,” in the Rocky Mountains) and Khao Nom So (“Female Breast Mountain” in Thailand) are just a few linguistic products of the cleavage-obsessed minds of international explorers. Dicks get the occasional mention, too –– Andrew’s Knob (“knob” is British slang for “cock”) is just an uneventful patch named in sweet homage to a dude named Andrew, but it’s given Brits a good chuckle.
Another obvious fact is that plenty of names only become funny or dirty in translation. There are three villages in Southeast Asia alone called Anus, for example, which only reads as hilarious in English. (Dubur is the Indonesian word for “anus.”) The term anus itself in Indonesian actually refers to an endangered Anus language, which is being preserved solely by the inhabitants of a remote province in Indonesia — to locals, it has no rude connotation at all.
Either way, plenty of these brilliantly dirty geographical names are rooted in centuries-long histories which aren’t easy to overturn, and which have given geography enthusiasts like Gale a good chuckle over the last few centuries. Living in Virginville might not be ideal, but these tongue-in-cheek checkpoints have spiced up countless road trips –– and they’ll doubtlessly provide a laugh or two on countless more.
Jake Hall
Jake Hall is a freelance journalist, fashion features editor and author. Their debut book 'The Art of Drag' is scheduled for release in May 2020.
