Did you see the eclipse? Kind of a letdown? Your eyes, they burning? Can’t believe you have to go back to work now? Well, look on the “bright” side: Twitter was popping. The platform is never better than during those moments when a single subject dominates all conversation, and the first coast-to-coast eclipse in almost a century sure fit the bill.
For starters, everyone was pretty damn horny:
today you two finally get to fuck pic.twitter.com/epYyi5nCfJ
— Peter Smith (@PTRSMTH) August 21, 2017
Screaming "eclipse me daddy!" at the sun until I'm forcefully removed from the parking lot of Burger King
— Big Supernaturals (@UweBollocks) August 21, 2017
If you look at the sun today while jerking off the blindness will cancel out and you'll be fine
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) August 21, 2017
What about this pic.twitter.com/tBBSekzD2o
— Coworker showing you The Office bloopers (@jonny_is_good) August 21, 2017
don't worry, there has already been one breakup on r/relationships directly due to the eclipse and differing levels of interest in it
— In Nicoled Blood (@Nicole_Cliffe) August 21, 2017
Others felt a tad more aggressive:
GO MOON
KILL THE SUN pic.twitter.com/dbIj2UdwPV
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) August 21, 2017
Either way, we were all pretty stoked to go blind (or show off our shades):
https://twitter.com/surfbordt/status/899653007616462848
One of Newt's huge turds is inside that giant tube. He has to wear special glasses to look at it. pic.twitter.com/w3dWdj4zHu
— stefan heck (@boring_as_heck) August 21, 2017
sickened by these Bill Clinton-esque "I peeked but did not indulge" takes…I checked the eclipse out and it ruled. Im glad ill see less now
— John V. Variety (@johnvvariety) August 21, 2017
IM READY FOR THE SOLAR ECLIPSE pic.twitter.com/RecaMK5lis
— Ziwe (@ziwe) August 21, 2017
There's a guy in this coffee shop who literally just said, "Did it start yet?" then walked outside, looked straight up, and screamed.
— Robin Wasserman (@robinwasserman) August 21, 2017
Then, of course, there were the critics and deniers.
Can't see shit. Eclipse is #FakeNews #Eclipse2017 @ClueHeywood pic.twitter.com/giEd4GdQv6
— Tapecheckmafia (@Siejka24) August 21, 2017
You may think, "Wow, gotta be a rough day for flat earth believers"
Nah they got this all figured out, pic.twitter.com/Dq0uGJElkb
— Patrick Claybon (@PatrickClaybon) August 21, 2017
when the moon blocked the sun all of my chickens went into their coop to go to sleep hahahah
— rudy mustang (@rudy_mustang) August 21, 2017
I have never looked at the sky and if you think I'm gonna start because the moon is being a dumbass or something you're dead wrong
— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) August 21, 2017
just asked my dad if the moon is the black part or the white part and he yelled goddammit so loud
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) August 21, 2017
Our hearts go out to the eclipse fans whose viewing parties were thwarted by clouds:
100% cloud cover here no sun to look at world is a fuck throw me in the trash forever.
— Matt "The Dang Deficit" Christman (@cushbomb) August 21, 2017
Cheers at the Grand Ole Opry as we become fully eclipsed. THEN HUGE GROANS AS A CLOUD MOVES IN TO RUIN IT
— Matt Pearce ? (@mattdpearce) August 21, 2017
Sisters begging the big cloud to pass quickly. #SolarEclipse pic.twitter.com/odscORbCM5
— lisa johnston (@aeternusphoto) August 21, 2017
The president didn’t have that problem:
https://twitter.com/MicahSingleton/status/899643528787243010
https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/899419737377185796
As he did this, someone in a crowd of aides below shouted "Don't look." pic.twitter.com/dtfSLEzcAZ
— Ted Mann (@TMannWSJ) August 21, 2017
Aaaaaand here's your photo of Trump looking straight at the eclipse pic.twitter.com/5vv6sVTDIl
— Stefan Marolachakis (@stefanmymind) August 21, 2017
Preview of tonight’s Tucker Carlson pic.twitter.com/DawbInUrWl
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) August 21, 2017
In the end, we all had a great time — and learned some valuable lessons.
don't talk to me or my sun ever again pic.twitter.com/DKJKcyOJvv
— gabe brujería-gado (@gabebergado) August 21, 2017
https://twitter.com/historyinflicks/status/899705464849608704
And now New York's homeless population gets a lifetime supply of disposable eclipse glasses
— James Hell Brooks (@BobbyBigWheel) August 21, 2017
The children have recorded their account of events in the public square pic.twitter.com/jUDFqGGbN6
— Skeleton of Ryan ????????????? North (@ryanqnorth) August 21, 2017
Crescent shaped shadows! #Eclipse2017 #wawx #Seattle pic.twitter.com/Az6CbAkuon
— Logan Johnson (@LJohnsonWX) August 21, 2017
I just saw some high af teenagers have their minds blown by the eclipse. It was beautiful
— Will?Menaker (@willmenaker) August 21, 2017
The eclipse was cool. Who else got powers
— Anthony Clark (@nedroid) August 21, 2017
what a beautiful thing to see so many people outside looking at the sky and for everyone to be focusing on the same thing that isn't awful
— bat-ley boo-bendir (@therealbradbabs) August 21, 2017
live update pic.twitter.com/gbVQdFPgsr
— John Viveiros (@johnviveiros_) August 21, 2017
it's finally gone. fuck to the sun, the worst star in the goddamned sky. see you never sucker
— matt▲lubchansky (@Lubchansky) August 21, 2017
See you in another hundred years, everybody.
Miles Klee
Miles Klee is MEL’s resident tank-top dirtbag, shitposter and meme expert. He’s also the author of the novel ‘Ivyland’ and a story collection, ‘True False.’
