Every day, porn star and University of Southern California journalism grad student Tasha Reign wakes up to a curious string of emails from her fans, a devoted group of men and women she lovingly refers to as “Reigndeer.” Said Reigndeer ask her questions — so many questions — about her perspectives on sex, love, relationships and life itself, and as someone who’s had more firsthand experience in these areas than four adult women combined, she’s become uniquely up to the task of answering them. Once a week then, Tasha will select a few of these questions and grace us with her insight, advice and expert wisdom in the hopes that she can help you fuck and love long, too.
My ex and I broke up a few months ago and we agreed not to talk for a while, but recently, he’s been sending me all these friendly texts. They’re not thirsty or flirty or anything, but we are kind of joking around and bantering. I’m conflicted because I actually do want to be friends with him, but I’m also worried texting like this will make feelings flare up. What should I do?
I totally get that. I’ve certainly felt tempted to respond to texts from old flings, but although texting with an ex — and being friends with them — seems like a good idea, it almost never is.
Remember: There was a reason (or two) that you broke up. Something wasn’t working; something was less than ideal. Innocently texting and bantering creates an idealized, virtual relationship where it’s easy to forget about all that. You create a little world where each of you are funny, chatty and light-hearted, and all the pain and incompatibility that caused you to separate fades away. Even if you have good intentions in texting each other, continuing to do so can lead to exactly the sort of intimacy that wasn’t working for you the first go-around and feelings will, as you said, flare up.
So, self-reflection time. Ask yourself: Is tearing down the boundaries you built between you something you want? If it is, ask him what his intentions in texting you are, and honestly state your own so you can get on the same page about what you’re doing. If it’s not, texting him is a waste of time. It’ll just take up time and space in your life — time and space you could be using for something, or someone, new.
Relationships are exhausting, and time is short. You have to make room for your top priorities, and I hate to break it to you, but unless you’re dead-set on getting back together, your ex shouldn’t be one of them.
I’m a straight guy with a lot of straight-guy friends I’ve had since I was a kid. I really like them obviously, but we never really talk about sex. It bothers me because it feels like there’s this weird barrier with them around a topic that I wish I could discuss more. What advice do you have for sex-shy guys to open up around each other?
I completely feel you. I grew up in a really puritanical, very conservative land called Orange County. Even to this day, when the topic of sex comes up with my childhood friends, things get weird. The mood becomes dull and silent, and I feel like a total whore for just talking about sex (er, I guess I am a whore, so what I mean is that I feel like they’re judging me).
In fact, there are a few women I’ve known my entire life who are so closed-off about sex that I just don’t see them as sexual beings. Every time I’m around them, I’m constantly thinking, “Do you have sex? Do you know where babies come from? Has anyone ever cum on your face?”
I don’t feel that way around other people, though. As you can tell, I’m perfectly comfortable talking about sex. I think it’s just that sometimes, your childhood friends take on a sort of sibling-like persona. They’re like family, and talking about sex with family is usually kind of awkward.
I think the best solution here is to just bring it up. Start casual and light. Don’t dive into anal chatter right away, but try easing into things by talking about a beautiful person you saw that day. You can joke around and say something innocently sexual like, “I really flooded my basement when I saw her!” Or bring up something that turned you on recently and see how they react. For example: “I was in line at the bank, and I saw a couple kissing. I thought it was kind of hot. Guess I’m a voyeur now!”
You can get a pretty good sense of whether they’re willing to open up around you once start a conversation like that. Also, watching an overtly sexual movie like American Pie or Fifty Shades of Grey may help you all get into the mood to talk. The goal isn’t to push their boundaries or make them uncomfortable; it’s just to get the conversation flowing.
However, if you’ve tried that and you’re still not getting through to them, they just might not be fated to be your “sex friends.” In that case, it’s okay to go outside your tight-knit group of friends to find new ones who share your interests. So don’t be afraid to branch out. Trust me: There are a million people who’d like nothing better than to sit around and talk about cum with you all day.
Do women expect me to shave my pubes? I keep seeing shaved guys in porn and I’m wondering if I should be investing in an industrial-strength razor. (I’m a guy, surprise!)
I’ll say it now, and I’ll say it again: Porn is a fantasy, not sexual education. Just because you saw something in a video doesn’t mean you have to copy it in real life!
Hygiene and shaven pubic hair is important to me, but I don’t need my man to shave everything off. Sure, I’d prefer a clean-shaven realm — if only so I could deep-dive into his pants and see everything when I attempt to do naughty things to him — but I’m more than happy with his pubic area being trimmed. It’s nice when he prunes the hedges, as it were.
Everyone’s preferences are different when it comes to pubic hair, though. So instead of going off what you think other people want, do what makes you feel most confident and secure in the boudoir. What really gets you going? Does your partner have a specific preference? Have a talk with them about what turns them on then go from there.
That said, if you do want to shave, here are some tips for you:
- Use a trimmer. This is the best one for men’s pubic hair.
- Start the trimmer on 0 with no guard.
- Shave around the genitals, thighs and above the shaft, too.
- You can shave parts of your shaft without a guard on, but it’s risky. Be very careful. Shaving with a boner might be easier because the skin will be more taut.
- Wanna shave your balls? Noble. Put the guard on the trimmer, then adjust the shaver to 1 or 2. Pull the skin of your scrotum taut. Carefully run the razor over the areas you’ve pulled to be smooth. Adjust your positioning until your balls are hairless globs.
- Or, just leave your hair! I’m sure your lady will love you anyway.
At the end of the day, shaved, trimmed and hairy pubes are all personal choices, but cleanliness is a must. You’d better believe I have mouthwash under the sink and baby wipes above the toilet, because, you know: Once a slut, always a slut.
Feel free to send me your sex, love and relationship questions at tashareign1@gmail.com.
Tasha Reign
Tasha Reign is an adult actress and patron of the art of dating, love, and everything sex related. She has given a decade of her life to the sex industry and gone on enough dates for all of Los Angeles combined. Ask her your questions and she'll do personal research to provide her best answers. She can be reached at Tashareign1@gmail.com.
