TikTok is constantly revealing “secrets.” There’s an entire viral cycle surrounding the sharing of knowledge someone “doesn’t want you to know,” whether that be the fact that airlines are technically required to pay you if they overbook a flight or how to deal with period cramps. But recently, a group of men on the app have decided that some have gone too far in what they’ve shared about their gender. In fact, an all-out war has broken out, splitting TikTok into rival factions that fight to either reveal these secrets or contain them. What topic could possibly hold such gravity?
How guys scratch their balls, apparently.
In early January, @felicitialize2017, a woman, made a TikTok asking men how they put their hands in their pockets without punching their dicks. From her perspective, the pockets on men’s clothing were simply too deep. Fellow creator @chedurena responded to the video by explaining that men do not, in fact, punch themselves in the cock when they put their hands in their pockets, and moreover, that the pockets are strategically designed to allow for covert genital readjustment and scratching. “It’s one of the oldest tricks in the weiner playbook,” he says. This, apparently, is where he crossed the line.
Durena’s actions caught the attention of @thevantalord, a TikToker known for positioning himself as a sort of “ruler” in an imaginary kingdom of men’s secrets called “The Council.” Any time a male TikToker willingly spills something deemed to be privileged information among the gender, he states that these men ought to be sent to trial, where they will be found guilty of treason and tortured accordingly. Most often, men accept their metaphorical punishment from The Vanta Lord, but Durena turned his back on The Council and claimed to be a member of a warring faction dubbed “The Rogues.”
Durena and his Rogue buddies have indeed continued to reveal a few other secrets, like how every guy has tucked his penis behind his legs like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs just to see what it would look like. This has angered The Council further, but The Rogues don’t seem to care — it’s all just one big LARP-off.
And so, in the dorkiest of all TikTok memes, much of the app has since become split between the two groups. People have even gone so far as to change their avatars on the app, with corresponding symbols to express their allegiance for Team Council or Team Rogue. The original posts have around 15 million views combined as well as spawned several hundred videos from other creators taking a side. In the process, much of their ball-scratching origins have become irrelevant.
“MEN! We cannot allow the rogue and his allies to leak our secrets,” one person commented on a sort of rallying-cry video made by @dezlore1, a seemingly invested follower of the duel. “HE HAS BETRAYED US FOR THE PUNNANI! HOLD THE LINES! WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER!”
Notably, there are almost no women involved in this battle. It’s truly an imagined war of men’s own creation. What nobody entirely seems to realize is that most women’s response to Durena’s admission would most likely be: Well, yeah, no duh. You guys think you’re being sneaky when you scratch yourself through your pockets, but we all know what you’re doing. You’re not that good at hiding it. And frankly, most of us don’t really care. But clearly, this whole thing is far more about developing a fun little dorky internet rivalry — ball-scratching was merely the catalyst.