As we enter that magical time of year when your underwear glues itself to your butt with the determination of an affectionate barnacle, we’re taking a closer look at sweat. What is it? What does it want? From sweatshops and anxiety to the literal drippy stuff itself, this week is all about the perspiration. Now let’s get sweaty.
Look, you read the headline and decided to click, so what follows is on you. I don’t know if you have a passion for learning about the human body or just a particularly moist dick, but whatever the case, please, join me on this vitally important voyage of scientific discovery.
In a nutshell (you’re welcome): Dicks sure do sweat! Board-certified urologist Jamin Brahmbhatt explains that eccrine sweat glands, which produce odorless sweat, cover the entire dick shaft. Meanwhile, apocrine sweat glands, which produce a more oily, odorous sweat, cover the groin and the base of the dick. However, Brahmbhatt emphasizes that sweat glands aren’t found on the glans (aka, the head) or inside the foreskin.
All of which means, swamp dick is a very real thing. “Your penis does sweat,” says Brahmbhatt, but adds, “You have more sweat on the base of your penis.” That’s because hairy areas produce more sweat than less hairy areas, and buddy, if your shaft is hairier than your groin… well, I don’t know what to suggest, frankly, beyond maybe DMing me a picture because that sounds like quite a sight!
While a slightly sweaty dick is normal, you should know that excessive sweating down there — the kind that has you changing undies multiple times throughout the day — can result from more serious medical problems, like hypoglycemia, diabetes and hyperthyroidism. That said, most cases of swamp dick can be mended with this Brahmbhatt-approved advice:
Keep That Dick Clean. Brahmbhatt suggests lathering your dick with soap in the shower, and in more extreme cases, wiping it down with baby wipes several times each day. This is especially important when dealing with a sweaty dick, since a moist groin is prone to fungal infections, like jock itch.
Keep That Dick Beneath Light Clothes. Loose clothes are always a good bet when dealing with sweat, and Brahmbhatt specifically mentions that Lululemon has a line of clothes made for this purpose. “I’ve used it myself, and I felt that it worked to a degree,” he says. “Although, it can be expensive.”
Keep That Dick Skinny. Or your waist, rather. Brahmbhatt explains that more body fat means more skin rubbing together, which results in a particularly sweaty groin and dick area. So losing weight is always a good bet when dealing with excessive sweating.
Keep That Dick Covered. “Keep tissues in your groin creases to limit the sweaty buildup,” Brahmbhatt suggests. He does, however, admit that this isn’t the most practical approach.
And that’s it. Now take your sweaty dick and get the fuck out of here.